8L xC)pJJJJ IH(ȱH:=IH[H`@H^H 2 9 @   I/H`JLNGȄBȄF aK ' faaFF  RJm# KKJ qJ )J ۈJJm  JFȱJGJKaȄM ' 5aaNNJFLGJ`a  XL LG &PRODOS`DaElH$?EGvѶK+`L XX LU ŠϠĠӥS)*+,+`F)) (*=GJFjJJA QE'+ '== `@ STSP8QSS8 m P o R(8ROPENING.LINE 8 ' @.OL.INSTALL.BIN*OL.INSTALL ھ-. 8TAGLINES(H+OPENINGLINE? -p-")OL.READMEK-D.;OL.PICS.SEAPfF FINDER.DATAp.#-VERSION.NOTES.<.FINDER.ROOT ."p.# KZeTKVP 좞 ៀ'!TK0 0Pd)ʽcŁ $ z`Ł)e)͛ eeŁ)e)͛ eie e8eŁ)e)͛ eie e8e`Z00eTKz`Z:z`Kz`Z:z`,)` - rU/P` ") pLs!SYSTEM:PREFERENCES:TAGLINE.DATA.2K||Ѓ pf || pOcTK )+`uv-vvjveD᪯ 2#)芏tLPcLlsu 0 080ب@muuد 0 080uNuuzi u qL   A12288 D$(4)+::D$"PR#3"" @ File Edit  Install   ______________________________________________________________________________" "Z S A SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS VW Opening Line v1.1 Installer VW SSSSSSSSSSSSSSS @ S _ZLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL_Z"; X119:" _Z";:X:" LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL";( 34,4:35,22:32,2:33,76:{ "Welcome to the Opening Line v1.1 Installer! Copyright (c) 1995 Bret Victor" #D$"PREFIX":K$:D$"PREFIX"K$ $2100 %D$"VERIFY OL.INSTALL.BIN":216,0 (:"Enter the pathname of your boot disk: (press to quit)"& 2:"/";K$< <K$""ĺ:D$"BYE"X F(K$,1)"/"K$K$"/"t K(K$,1)"/"K$"/"K$ MP$K$"System/START.GS.OS" N:"Loading "P$"..." O2000 PD$"BLOAD "P$",A";A;",T$F9":216,0 R(A5551)176(A5552)1783000* U:"Installing Opening Line..."O d ** Install four hooks first:s nA356,32:A357,128:A358,128 s (Hex: $0164: 20 80 80) xA2935,76:A2936,176:A2937,131 } (Hex: $0B77: 4C B0 83) A3231,32:A3232,224:A3233,129* (Hex: $0C9F: 20 E0 81)Q A2921,76:A2922,128:A2923,155t (Hex: $0B69: 4C 80 9B) ** Install main ML code: D$"BLOAD OL.INSTALL.BIN,A";(A6272);",L$180,B$0" (Hex: $1880.19FF) ** Install color tables and some more code:TD$"BLOAD OL.INSTALL.BIN,A";(A6992);",L$B0,B$180"r (Hex: $1B50.1BFF) ** Install even more code:D$"BLOAD OL.INSTALL.BIN,A";(A13184);",B$230"  (Hex: $3380.34FF)d::"Select fade speed: (Default is recommended) 1. Instant 2. Fast 3. Default 4. Slow 5. Custom value < >";A$:F(A$):F1F5405FF1S1:550: Delay = $0001:"Is this an accelerated IIgs? (y/n) ";A$:A$"Y"A$"y"ĺA$:470A$"N"A$"n"ĺA$:430"423E ** Values for normal IIgs:eF2S32: Delay = $0020F3S96: Delay = $0060F4S240: Delay = $00F0F5550" Fast = 32, Default = 96, Slow = 240":500 ** Values for accelerated IIgs:.F2S128: Delay = $0080NF3S240: Delay = $00F0nF4S304: Delay = $0130{F5550" Fast = 128, Default = 240, Slow = 304"" Enter a value between 1 and 65535: ";S:S1S65535500&H(S256):LSH2560A6274,L:A6275,H<: (Hex: $1882: lo hi)X::"Would you like to change the background color of the default splash screen? (The default screen is only used if there is no STARTUP.PIC) (y/n) ";]A$:A$"Y"A$"y"620 bA$"N"A$"n"800g605:l::"Select splash color:"::dq" 0: Black";:39:" 8: Dark Green"v" 1: Dark Blue";:39:" 9: Aqua"{" 2: Barf Green";:39:" A: Light Green"" 3: Grey #1";:39:" B: Spring Green"" 4: Red";:39:" C: Grey #2"?" 5: Purple";:39:" D: Periwinkle Blue"f" 6: Orange";:39:" E: Yellow"" 7: Pink";:39:" F: White":::"< >";A$:A$"a"A$((A$)32)A$"0"C0:685C(A$):A$"A"C(A$)55C1C15665 BC16C:A2901,B:A2902,B] (Hex: $0B55: xx xx where x is the color number... for example, $0B55: 11 11 for dark blue or, $0B55: DD DD for periwinkle) ::"Saving "P$"..."*2200-4D$"BSAVE"P$",A";A;",T$F9,l$3500":216,07910P$K$"System/System.Setup/OpeningLine":D$"VERIFY "P$:(48824)1821900D$"unlock "P$:D$"delete "P$::"Now copying the Opening Line INIT into your System/System.Setup folder..."1000*D$"VERIFY OPENINGLINE":216,0DD$"create "P$",t$b6"gD$"bload OPENINGLINE,t$B6,a"AD$"bsave "P$",t$B6,a"A",l";((48859)(48860)256)1900P:"I couldn't find the master copy of the INIT (OpeningLine), so I couldn't copy it. Be sure to find it and copy it into your System/System.Setup folder.":1900l::"Opening Line successfully installed! Press a key. ";:A$v:D$"BYE"(222)62030::"Oh my! Error #"(222)" occured!""Press escape to quit, or any other key to retry.":A$-A$(27)1910578p"Uh oh! I couldn't find the START.GS.OS file!":20054:"I couldn't find the OL.INSTALL.BIN file! Press escape to quit, or any other key to retry. ";:A$>A$(27)1910H37(222)10ĺD$"UNLOCK"P$:820+(222)42300:"The disk is write-protected! Unprotect it and press a key to retry, or press escape to quit. ";:A$A$(27)1910820(222)92400` :"The disk is full! Press any key to quit, and come back when you've freed up some disk space (about 2K, or 4 blocks, is all you need). ";:A$j 1910` :"Mystery error #";(222)" occurred! Press a key to try saving again, or escape to quit. ";:A$:2230 :"Sorry, this is an incompatable version of GS/OS."} (A5549)176(A5550)174(A5551)176(A5552)176ĺ"Opening Line requires System 6.0.1.":3030 "Opening Line requires GS/OS version 4.02, and this is version ";((A5549));((A5550));((A5551));((A5552))$ :"Press any key to quit. ";:A$:1910*'0'x' For you legal folks, the OL.INSTALL.BIN file contains absolutely' NO code that was originally in START.GS.OS. (Unless you want to' argue that Apple, Inc. has a copyright on a block of zeros...) '' !"#$%&'()*+,-./0123456789:;<=>?@ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ[\]^_`abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz{|}~  << Opening Line tagline file -- compiled by Bret Victor, uncopyrighted >> << My thanks to everybody who unknowingly "contributed" taglines... >> << (i.e. those who got their taglines ripped) :-) >> Please keep your hands off the secretary's reproducing equipment. Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses. Walt Disney is in suspended animation. Help stamp out and abolish redundancy! Mount St. Helens should have used earth control. He who laughs last is probably your boss. This tagline is void where prohibited, licensed, or taxed. Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives. Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax. On a clear disk you can seek forever. Acid consumes 47 times its weight in excess reality. Money is the root of all wealth. Teamwork is vital! (It gives you someone to blame.) If you see an onion ring - answer it! A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery. Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long. If your feet smell and your nose runs, you're built upside down. A career is a job that has gone on too long. If ignorance is bliss, why aren't there more happy folks? Ignorance is temporary - Stupidity is forever A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago. The Procrastinators Anonymous meeting has been postponed. It's accurate, but is it precise? If all the girls at Vassar were laid end to end, I wouldn't be surprised! Women should be obscene and not heard. Whatever you say about pornography, sex is here to stray. Never put off 'til tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. Lawyers do it in their briefs. Never hit a man with glasses; hit him with your fist. It's hard to be humble when you're perfect. Clones are people two. Recursive, adj.; see Recursive If everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane! Sorry, No Taglines today!! Gravity brings me down. A man's best friend is his dogma. A penny saved is ridiculous. Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay. "Oxymoron": A really, really, dumb baby ox! He who always plows a straight furrow is in a rut. Our houseplants have a good sense of humus. Do artificial plants need artificial water? Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over. Bill the Cat for President!! Opus for Vice Pres!! Bush and Quayle; sounds like a hunting magazine. To err is human, to forgive is against company policy. No problem is so formidable that you just can't walk away from it. Don't worry: tomorrow will be worse. Know what I mean, wink, wink, nudge, nudge! XEROX never comes up with something original. Do it today, tomorrow it will be illegal. Please excuse me while I ROTFL. Lite Year: low calorie regular year! What fools these morals be! I know I'm smart... I set the clock on my VCR Now be a good drone and pay Uncle Sam your taxes. Turn your clocks back ... the Supreme Court is in session. I thank my lucky stars that I'm not superstitious. Jesus Saves - Johnson scores on the rebound. Battle Creek makes cereal terminals. He who hesitates is last. He who laughs last didn't get the joke. Everyone is entitled to my opinion. Lake Erie died for your sins. He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose. A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep. An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it. Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience. Chicken: an egg's way of producing more eggs. Elephant: a mouse built to U.S. military specs. Mouse: an elephant built by the Japanese. Just another innocent bystander... How you know when you have run out of invisible ink? Shin: Device for finding furniture in the dark. Bedfellows make strange politicians. Which is the nonsmoking lifeboat? It was all so different before everything changed. Don't drink coffee in early A.M. It'll keep you awake until noon. Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon. Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective. I want all or nothing.... or some. "We're all in this alone." -- Lily Tomlin Every purchase has its price. I take an instant dislike to lawyers. It saves time. "Sioux Me!" -- Story of an Indian Attorney. Familiarity breeds. Familiarity breeds attempt. Free bank with the purchase of any toaster. Spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans and spam! Once it's messed up, anything done to improve it will make it worse. Prunes give you a run for your money. People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses. Laugh, and the world thinks you're... an idiot. "99 cents for Off Incest Repellent" It is better to die on your feet than to live on your knees. War doesn't determine who's right, only who's left. For a -real- sponge cake, -borrow- all the ingredients. Help! My Computer's Fallen And It Won't Boot Up! Why Do They Call Them Apartments If They're All Together? DOS PEROT: You Boot It, It Decides Whether It Wants To Run When In ROM, Do As The ROMans Do? I Owe, I Owe, So It's Off To Work I Go. Help! I've Fallen And I Can't Reach My Beer! Sorry, My Mind Was Off-Line For A Few Minutes There Whips And Chains? Sorry, That's A Hardware Problem PMS = Punish My Spouse Excuse Me, I Have To Recharge My Flamethrower. At least I have the courage to admit I'm a coward. "God does not play dice with the universe." -- Einstein New Mexico? Sorry, we don't ship to foreign countries "Space is very big." -- Dan Quayle Pro-Wrestling; the only legitimate sport we have left. I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem. Poverty is the root of all evil. Don't ask me; I was hired for my looks. I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." -- Ronald Reagan "I never met a man I didn't like." -- Will Rogers If at first you don't succeed, give up - why be a damn fool? Ignorance doesn't kill you, but it makes you sweat a lot. An ignorant user blames his computer. Astronauts are out to launch. Zen Druids practice Transcendental Vegetation. Joseph Stalin's grave was a Communist Plot. Winning isn't everything, but then losing is nothing. Why should I add to my troubles by facing reality? He who hesitates is constipated. To whom should I go to for some self-help? If at first you don't succeed; you're doing about average. This life is a test. It is only a test. I consider cake and ice-cream my just desserts. It's sweet to be remembered, but often cheaper to be forgotten. OH, NO! Can't Operate! AMA License Expired! It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. The new Madonna postage stamp - it licks you back! Children should be obscene and not heard. Any given program: Once running, is obsolete. If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. Smile! Things can only get worse. How many priests are needed for a Boston Mass? After all is said and done, usually more is said than done. After all is said and done, usually much is said and little is done. Requests for sick leave must be approved two weeks in advance. Let us remember that ours is a nation of lawyers and order. Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first! Monday: In Christian countries, the day after the football game. The water - I came to Casablanca for the water. If I lived where I am now, I'd be home already! I'm in search of myself. Have you seen me anywhere? How can I prove I'm not crazy to people who are? As I said before, I never repeat myself. Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate. Be alert! America needs more lerts. The best things in life are for a fee. Man and wife make one fool. Let him who is stoned cast the first sin. Many a family tree needs trimming. He who puts his nose to the grindstone is a bloody fool. A friend in need is a pest indeed. Money is the root of all evil, and man needs roots. Never appeal to a man's "better nature". He may not have one. Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea. Confucius say too damn much! Friction is a drag. I don't mind computer dating, but I wouldn't want one to marry my sister. Don't sweat it - it's only ones and zeros. An Atheist Has No Invisible Means Of Support. Dreams Are Composed From Our Successes And Calamities. Sometimes I Wake Up Grumpy... Other Times I Let Her Sleep. Wrong Desire Is The Greatest Enemy Of Happiness. No Glove. No Love. It Is Not The Mountain We Conquer, It Is Ourselves. Man's Inhumanity To Man Makes Countless Thousands Mourn. I Love To Give Homemade Gifts; Which One Of My Kids Would You Like? Never cut what you can untie. Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it. What really flatters a man is that you think him worth flattery. Honor the absent. Egotist: A person of poor taste, more interested in himself than me. I thought "Free Willy" was about a flasher. Who Tested Preparation A through G and WHY? I wanted to be a comedian, but everyone just laughed. Obi-Wan to Skywalker at dinner: Use the Forks, Luke! Beautify America. Plant a lawyer .....deep! Do Cheshire cats drink evaporated milk? Jesus saves! Moses invests! Cthulu forecloses! Witches use brooms, because Nature abhors a vacuum. If love is blind, lingerie makes great braille. Radioactive halibut will make fission chips. Irony: God gave the tortoise a drag factor of .03 An apple a day makes IBM mad. ALZHEIMER SOFTWARE, INC.! Makers of... uhhh... errr... Recovery program for excessive talkers: Onanonanonanon Psychoceramics: The study of crackpots. Whenever I get a grip on reality, the handle falls off! Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. Veni, vidi, velcro -- I came, I saw, I stuck around. Herb gardeners have thyme on their hands! Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors? Surge suppression; bricks in toilet holding tank. Peking Duck should be called Oppressed Duck now. My IQ test results came back negative?! Old Pilots never die; they just go to a higher plane... Housework hasn't killed anyone yet... but why chance it? Look at the weaver, looming in the corner! By the time I have money to burn, my fire will be out. A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken. You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish. Vegetarians eat vegetables. Beware of humanitarians! If "New Kids on the Block" fans are Blockheads, what are fans of Dick Tracy? Protect your bagels, put lox on them! Incontinence Hotline... Can you hold? Newton's 7th law: A bird in hand is safer than one overhead. Oxymoron: Reagan's memoirs If at first you don't fricassee, fry, fry a hen! I live so far in the country, my ZIP is EIEIO! I hate being sex object -- every time I ask someone for sex, they object! Arthritis is nature's way of training you for Rigor Mortis. Sleep is an inadequate substitute for caffeine. Oxymoron: Fresh Frozen Five words every college grad knows: You Want Fries With That? 186,000 miles per second; not just a good idea, it's the LAW! Dieting; A Way To Make The Ends Justify the Jeans It's not hard to meet my expenses; they're everywhere. Due to inflation, all clouds will now be lined with zinc. Preserve bacteria. It's the only culture some folks have. I'm curious about training bras -- just what do you train 'em to DO? Cereal Killer Strikes Again! Cap'n Crunch found dead... Celibacy is not hereditary. Are dog biscuits made from collie flour? Diplomacy: The are of letting someone else have your way. "Too much of a good thing can be wonderful." -- Mae West Can shellfish sue for damages in small CLAMS court? I left my tart in Aunt Fran's crisco.... Biochemists wear designer genes. I'm profoundly superficial -- can you fathom that? Innuendo: An Italian Suppository. "Familiarity breeds contempt - and children" -- Mark Twain "God sends meat - the Devil sends cooks." -- Charles VI Friends; the marshmallows in the hot chocolate of life! Igloo [n], Material used to keep an ig from falling apart You're only young once. You're immature forever. Well feed me bran and call me irregular! Cogito, ergo Hormel - I think, therefore I Spam. On the eighth day, GOD said, "Murphy, you're in charge!" I can't decide whether or not to vacillate on this... I can never find the time to procrastinate. History - a distillation of rumour As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in school. Mice: For years we used traps...Now we use cords. Behind every good computer - is a jumble of wire. To make a small fortune, invest a large fortune A fool and his money is my kind of customer! Necessity is the mother of invention; Poverty is just a mother. A cynic smells the flowers and looks for the casket. I am not Bald.. I am Folically Challenged...... I am Elmer Fudd of Borg pwepare to be assimiwated. Toad--what happens to an illegally parked frog. To error is human, to crash is computer! Chopped cabbage - not just a good idea...it's the SLAW. ODO...ODO.. is there any more jello in the Fridge? ODO??! Sunburn season is ushered in by the peeling of the belles. If folks from Baltimore are "Baltimorons", what do you call folks from Tampa? Don't drink and park - accidents cause people. If you want to see 85, don't look for it on the speedometer! Alimony is the high lost of leaving! A wedding ring is like a tourniquet - it cuts off your circulation! Good manners are what one man shows to another man's wife! To get old before your time, you have to have a time before you are old! Live within your income and you'll live without worry - and other things. The longer you nurse a grudge, the longer it takes to get better! Familiarity breeds attempt! A kiss is valid proof that two heads are better than one! Raising children is like taking pictures: You never know how they'll come out! When it comes to hindsight, everybody's got 20-20 vision! Your money and vacation never seem to run out at the same time! A lawyer is one who writes a 30-page document and calls it a brief! In the past, stocks split. Today, they just fall apart! If most people said what's on their minds, they'd be speechless! It's not ups and downs that make life difficult. It's the jerks. The world is a place that has gone from being flat to round to crooked! Life is like a shower. One wrong turn and you're in hot water! War is what happens when arms are used instead of heads! The dollar will never fall as low as what people will do to get it! Nowadays, men of so-called Presidential timber are mostly bark! The distance between many people's ears is a block! Politicians are people who get sworn in and then cursed out! "You have failed me for the last time." -- Darth Vader For every man there will come an answer, custom-tailored to suit his soul. "I'll hack anything, anytime, as long as it's fun!" -- Anonymous "'Tis better to have loved and lost... yadda yadda yadda." -- Bart Simpson "Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again." -- Lazarus Long If everything is coming at you at once, then you're in the wrong lane. "What, me worry?" -- Alfred E. Neuman A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn. He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes... It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag. Avoid reality at all costs. "He travels the fastest who travels alone." -- Rudyard Kipling "What is history but a fable agreed upon?" -- Napoleon Bonaparte "Familiarity breeds contempt-- and children." -- Mark Twain "Hey, what the hell... it works!" -- Dave Lyons "You live and learn. Or you don't live long." -- Lazarus Long Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him. Mistakes are often the stepping stones to utter failure. You worry too much about your job. Stop it. You are not paid to worry. A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep. You cannot kill time without injuring eternity. Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing. "What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn?" -- Peter S. Beagle Wasting time is an important part of living. Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. This will be a memorable month-- no matter how hard you try to forget it. Keep emotionally active. Cater to your favorite neurosis. You have the capacity to learn from mistakes. You'll learn a lot today. Surprise your boss. Get to work on time. Succumb to natural tendencies. Be hateful and boring. Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum. Things won't get any better so get used to it. Create your own opportunities this week. Blackmail a senior executive. Show respect for age. Drink good Scotch for a change. Give thought to your reputation. Consider changing your name and moving. If you think last Tuesday was a drag, wait till you see what happens tomorrow! What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket. Caution: breathing may be hazardous to your health. Remember, even if you win the rat race-- you're still a rat. Nihilism should commence with oneself. "Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse." -- Lazarus Long I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous. Nudists are people who wear one-button suits. Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest. Old soldiers never die. Young ones do. UFOs are for real; the Air Force doesn't exist. Drive defensively. Buy a tank. The meek shall inherit the earth--they are too weak to refuse. Condense soup, not books! The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books! Never be led astray onto the path of virtue. Give your child mental blocks for Christmas. Mickey Mouse wears a Spiro Agnew watch. Don't hate yourself in the morning-- sleep 'til noon. Keep America beautiful. Swallow your beer cans. What this country needs is a good five cent anything! Hire the morally handicapped. I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life. Screw up your courage! You've screwed up everything else. Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say. Do something unusual today. Pay a bill. I can resist anything but temptation. Modern man is the missing link between apes and human beings. Don't knock President Fillmore. He kept us out of Vietnam. Earn cash in your spare time-- blackmail your friends. Keep grandma off the streets-- legalize bingo. Xerox never comes up with anything original. You'll never be the man your mother was! George Orwell was an optimist. Chicken Little was right. Qvid me anxivs svm? Gravity is a myth; the Earth sucks. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. "Discretion is the better part of valor." -- William Shakespeare Don't cook tonight-- starve a rat today! They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid! "An elephant: A mouse built to government specifications." -- Lazarus Long Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU. Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once. If God had wanted you to go around nude, He would have given you bigger hands. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel. A closed mouth gathers no foot. A diva who specializes in risque arias is an off-coloratura soprano... Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well. -- L. Long "Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent." -- Salvor Hardin If time heals all wounds, how come the belly button stays the same? Familiarity breeds attempt. Reality is an obstacle to hallucination. Paul Revere was a tattle-tale. "Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs." -- A. Bierce Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments. God isn't dead; He just couldn't find a parking place. If God is perfect, why did He create discontinuous functions? Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. Death: To stop sinning suddenly. "Small change can often be found under seat cushions." -- Lazarus Long That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all. "Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired." -- R. Geis "It is the business of the future to be dangerous." -- Hawkwind The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier. "Always tell her she is beautiful, especially if she is not." -- Lazarus Long Another ingredient for a happy marriage: Budget the luxuries first! Ban the bomb. Save the world for conventional warfare. Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down. Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string. Things are more like they used to be than they are now. Things are more like they are now than they used to be before. Hummingbirds never remember the words to songs. Cheops' Law: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. Antonym: The opposite of the word you're trying to think of. Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes. Ass: The masculine of "lass". Automobile: A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians. Boy: A noise with dirt on it. Broad-mindedness: The result of flattening high-mindedness out. A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as after California is a fine place to live if you happen to be an orange. A city is a large community where people are lonesome together. The climate of Bombay is such that its inhabitants have to live elsewhere. Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking. The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat. "Die: To stop sinning suddenly." -- Elbert Hubbard Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock. A diplomat is a man who can convince his wife she'd look stout in a fur coat. Electrocution: Burning at the stake with all the modern improvements. Experience enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again. Fairy Tale: A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers. Hindsight is an exact science. "Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?" -- Lily Tomlin "The greatest productive force is human selfishness." -- Lazarus Long "If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith." -- Albert Einstein The Golden Rule of Arts and Sciences: The one with the gold makes the rules. "Do not underestimate the power of the Force." -- Obi-wan Kenobi Accordion: An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin. Accuracy: The vice of being right. Adolescence: The stage between puberty and adultery. Adult: One old enough to know better. "Advertisement: The most truthful part of a newspaper." -- Thomas Jefferson Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. Naeser's Law: You can make it foolproof, but you can't make it damnfoolproof. "It is easier to get forgiveness than permission." -- Lazarus Long There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing. Important letters which contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly. If reproducibility may be a problem, conduct the test only once. If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points. Among economists, the real world is often a special case. History doesn't repeat itself-- historians merely repeat each other. Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book. If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live. Only adults have difficulty with childproof caps. How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on. Underlying Principle of Socio-Genetics: Superiority is recessive. Old programmers never die. They just branch to a new address. "Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms." -- Groucho Marx "Military justice is to justice what military music is to music." -- G. Marx "Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks." -- Adlai Stevenson A college becomes a university when the faculty loses interest in students. Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way. Silverman's Law: If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will. Ducharme's Precept: Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment. If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost. "Man is the only animal that blushes-- or needs to." -- Mark Twain Menu: A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of. God is a comic playing to an audience that's afraid to laugh. Predestination was doomed from the start. Xerox does it again and again and again and... Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate. If we do not change our direction we are likely to end up where we are headed. San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was. Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids. Anarchy is better than no government at all. Do molecular biologists wear designer genes? Be different: conform. He bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion. Justice: A decision in your favor. Lie: A poor substitute for the truth, but the only one discovered to date. Love at first sight is one of the greatest labor-saving devices in the world. Lunatic Asylum: The place where optimism most flourishes. Majority: That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law. Worst Month for Downhill Skiing: August. The lines are the shortest, though. Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. Computer programmers do it byte by byte. "World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones." -- Albert Einstein "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -- Eleanor Roosevelt What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do. Now and then an innocent person is sent to the legislature. How wonderful opera would be if there were no singers. Do not take life too seriously; you will never get out of it alive. Corrupt: In politics, holding an office of trust or profit. Whenever you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. "Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong." -- Oscar Wilde "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it." -- Oscar Wilde About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. "If it ain't Baroque, don't fix it." -- Unknown music student I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. "I can't complain, but sometimes I still do." -- Joe Walsh "Never try to outstubborn a cat." -- Lazarus Long "Why be a man when you can be a success?" -- Bertold Brecht Matrimony isn't a word; it's a sentence. God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board. Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss. "Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her." -- A. Bierce Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic. Today is the first day of the rest of the mess. Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they AREN'T after you. Paranoia is simply an optimistic outlook on life. Whether you can hear it or not the Universe is laughing behind your back. "Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored." -- George Saunders' dying words Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits. It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one. If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some. Everything should be built top-down, except the first time. If a listener nods his head when you're explaining something, wake him up. Optimization hinders evolution. There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third way works. It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa. Save energy: be apathetic. Virtue is its own punishment. There's no future in time travel. Science is what happens when preconception meets verification. Electrical Engineers do it with less resistance. "There's no virtue in being old; it just takes a long time." -- Lazarus Long USER (n.): A programmer who will believe anything you tell him. Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly. "Arguments with furniture are rarely productive." -- Kehlog Albran There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. If God hadn't given us sticky tape, it would have been necessary to invent it. "The superfluous is very necessary." -- Voltaire Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man. "It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail." -- Gore Vidal A celebrity is a person who is known for his well-knownness. "The world's as ugly as sin, and almost as delightful." -- F. Locker-Lampson "Maturity is only a short break in adolescence." -- Jules Feiffer You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd. For every problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong. Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy. Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. Death is Nature's way of recycling human beings. "I drink to make other people interesting." -- George Jean Nathan Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. "Immortality-- a fate worse than death." -- Edgar A. Shoaff You can't carve your way to success without cutting remarks. It's really quite a simple choice: Life, Death, or Los Angeles. All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy. If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly. Maybe your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. Shoot first and, whatever you hit, call it the target. "If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars." -- J.P. Getty "Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned." -- Milton Friedman The cost of living is going up, and the chance of living is going down. "Nothing recedes like success." -- Walter Winchell "I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them." -- Isaac Asimov "Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world." -- Lily Tomlin If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple car payments. If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. "T.V. is chewing gum for the eyes." -- Frank Lloyd Wright Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. "With a rubber duck, one's never alone." -- Douglas Adams "Justice is incidental to law and order." -- J. Edgar Hoover "To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition." -- Woody Allen "Earth is a great funhouse without the fun." -- Jeff Berner "Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly." -- Voltaire Printer paper is strongest at the perforations. The older a man gets, the farther he had to walk to school as a boy. A real patriot gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity. The best thing about growing older is that it takes such a long time. Why did the Roman Empire collapse? What is the Latin for "office automation?" I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer. Behold the warranty... the bold print giveth and the fine print taketh away. All you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk. Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good. Cleanliness is next to impossible. A person has two reasons for doing anything: a good reason and the real reason Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence. Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up. People usually get what's coming to them... unless it's been mailed. "Why was I born with such contemporaries?" -- Oscar Wilde The first bug to hit a clean windshield lands directly in front of your eyes. Langsam's Laws: Everything depends; Nothing is always; Everything is sometimes Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur. Murphy's Converse: Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work. Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it; get a larger hammer. Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe. An alcoholic is a person who drinks more than his own physician. My weight is perfect for my height-- which varies. You can't teach people to be lazy-- either they have it, or they don't. If you have to hate, hate gently. Lackland's Laws: Never be first; Never be last; Never volunteer for anything Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. Pro is to con as progress is to Congress. If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Peace is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Every absurdity has a champion who will defend it. Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think I think, therefore I think I am). "A bird in hand is worth two in the bush." -- Cervantes "A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds." -- R. W. Emerson "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." -- Sextus Aurelius "All heiresses are beautiful." -- John Dryden "Beware of Greeks bearing gifts." -- Virgil "Business will be either better or worse." -- Calvin Coolidge "Conscience doth make cowards of us all." -- William Shakespeare "Go boot System 5.0.2." -- Dave Lyons Education helps earning capacity. Ask any college professor. Eternal nothingness is fine if you're dressed for it. Every generation laughs at old fashions, but follows religiously the new. Every nation has the government it deserves. Everyone has to believe in something; I believe I'll have another beer. "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread." -- Alexander Pope "Forgive and forget." -- Miguel Cervantes "Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200." -- Monopoly "God helps them that help themselves." -- Benjamin Franklin "Hell is empty and all the devils are here." -- William Shakespeare "Humility is the first of the virtues-- for other people." -- Oliver W. Holmes "I hate quotations." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. "If the path be beautiful, let us not ask where it leads." -- Anatole France "Ignorance is bliss." -- Thomas Gray "It is a bad plan that admits of no modification." -- Publilius Syrus "We would rather die on our feet than live on our knees." -- F. D. R. "Let sleeping dogs lie." -- Charles Dickens History repeats itself. That's one thing wrong with history. A student who changes the course of history is probably taking an exam. To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it. A well adjusted person can the same mistake twice without getting nervous. "Let your conscience be your guide." -- Alexander Pope Life is like an analogy. It's not whether you win or lose; it's how you throw the blame. "Look before you leap." -- Samuel Butler "Love conquers all things." -- Virgil "Never look a gift horse in the mouth." -- Saint Jerome "Nice guys finish last." -- Leo Durocher "No evil can happen to a good man." -- Plato Philosophy: Unintelligible answers to insoluble problems. "Rotten wood can not be carved." -- Confucius Never allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a hurry. Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. Murphy's First Law: If anything can go wrong, it will. Murphy's Corollary: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value. The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability. Commoner's Second Law of Ecology: Nothing ever goes away. Interchangeable parts won't. Etorre's Observation: The other line moves faster. Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it. You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter Law of Selective Gravity: An object will fall so as to do the most damage. Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough. Sattinger's Law: It works better if you plug it in. Lowery's Law: If it jams, force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. Cahn's Axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions. The Golden Rule: He who has the gold, makes the rules. Whenever you cut your fingernails, you will find a need for them an hour later To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. Horngren's Observation: The real world is a special case. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt. "Let us have peace." -- Ulysses S. Grant "Crabbed age and youth cannot live together." -- William Shakespeare "I would rather be the first man here than the second in Rome." -- Caesar "I am not a Virginian, but an American." -- Patrick Henry "I am willing to love all mankind except an American." -- Samuel Johnson "All art is but imitation of nature." -- Seneca "I came, I saw, I conquered." -- Julius Caesar "I am not an Athenian nor a Greek, but a citizen of the world." -- Socrates "My country is the world, and my religion is to do good." -- Thomas Paine "Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown." -- William Shakespeare "Distance lends enchantment to the view." -- T. Campbell "Other men live to eat, while I eat to live." -- Socrates "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt "There is such a thing as a man being to proud to fight." -- Woodrow Wilson "Fortune favors the bold." -- Virgil "I never think of the future. It comes soon enough." -- Albert Einstein Genius is one per cent inspiration and ninety-nine per cent perspiration. "I fear the Greeks, even when bringing gifts." -- Virgil "History is bunk." -- Henry Ford "The best sauce for food is hunger." -- Socrates "Though this be madness, yet there is method in't." -- William Shakespeare "Money is like an arm or a leg-- use it or lose it." -- Henry Ford "A place for everything and everything in its place." -- Samuel Smiles "To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice." -- Ambrose Bierce "I would rather be right than President." -- Henry Clay "Saint: a dead sinner revised and edited." -- Ambrose Bierce "If slavery is not wrong, nothing is wrong." -- Abraham Lincoln "I think therefore I am." -- Descartes "What this country really needs is a good five-cent cigar." -- T. R. Marshall "All for one, one for all." -- Alexandre Dumas, The Three Musketeers "O villain, villain, smiling, damned villain!" -- William Shakespeare "...Cry "Havoc," and let slip the dogs of war." -- William Shakespeare "Hasta la vista, baby." -- The Terminator "Revenge is a dish best served cold." -- Klingon proverb O Lord-- if there is a Lord; save my soul-- if I have a soul. Amen. "Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar." -- William Shakespeare Reality is what refuses to go away when I stop believing in it. "The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history." -- Dan Quayle 99% responsibility does not work. A Smith and Wesson beats four aces. A good memory does not equal pale ink. A guy has to get fresh once in a while so the girl doesn't lose her confidence A hand in the bush is worth two anywhere else. "A hospital is no place to be sick." -- Samuel Goldwyn A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers. A rolling stone gathers momentum. A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn. "A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on." -- Samuel Goldwyn "Adultery is the application of democracy to love." -- H.L. Menchen Affirmative Action is mediocrity's answer to Darwin. After all is said and done, much is said and little is done. All unhappiness is caused by _comparison_. Allen's Axiom: When all else fails, follow instructions. Allen's Law: Almost anything is easier to get into than out of. Always draw your curves; then plot the readings. Ambulance sirens can cause acute and total, but transient, deafness. An egotist is a person of low taste--more interested in himself than in me. An honest politician is one who, when bought, stays bought. An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it. Analog: Hors d'oeuvre, usually made with cheese and covered with crushed nuts. And so we plow along, as the fly said to the ox. Anger is one letter short of danger. Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it - get a bigger hammer. Any system that takes responsibility away from people, dehumanizes them. Anyone who isn't confused here doesn't really know what's going on. Anything free is worth what you pay for it. Apple: A device used to seduce men, equipped with display screens and/or worms Any fool can condemn criticize and complain, and most fools do. Try to relax and enjoy the crisis. Mediocrity requires aloofness to preserve its dignity. Bad Pickup Line #1: "Would you like to see my boa constrictor?" Bad Pickup Line #2: "Is that a false nose?" Bad Pickup Line #3: "You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno." Bad Pickup Line #4: "I'm drunk." Bad Pickup Line #5: "Hi, my friends call me Creepy." Bad Pickup Line #6: "Would you like to come to a party in my toolshed?" Bad Pickup Line #7: "I just threw up." Bad Pickup Line #8: "You're ugly but you intrigue me." Auntie Em. Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy. We're staying together for the sake of the cats. It's been lovely, but I have to scream now. My karma ran over your dogma. Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily. It's as bad as you think and they are out to get you. If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own. Life's too short to dance with ugly women. Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off. Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. Is there life before coffee? Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m. I need someone really bad. Are you really bad? If money could talk, it would say goodbye. Just when you think you've won the rat race, along come faster rats. Don't you anything better to do than stare at a computer screen? "What's the matter, Colonel Sanders? CHICKEN???" This space for rent. It was a dark and stormy night... !edis gnorw eht morf siht ta gnikool era uoY "640K ought to be enough for anybody." -- Bill Gates, 1981 "A newspaper is a collection of half-injustices" "Alaskan Visuals" by A. Roaring Boring Alice All humans things subject to decay. "Apple" (c) Copyright 1767, Sir Isaac Newton. "Are your cookies made with real Girl Scouts?" "At last I'm organized", he sighed, and died. "Be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm hunting tagwines!" "Beam me aboard, Scotty!" "A 2x4, sir??" "Call waiting", great if you have two friends "Conclusion": the place where you got tired of thinking of what to write. "Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious." "Ensign Pillsbury? He's BREAD, Jim!" "Floggings will continue until morale improves!" "Florence of Arabia" -- feminist camelmanship "Ground Beef" -- A Cow With No Legs! "He was a man, all and all. I shall not look upon his like again." "Help! I've fallen and can't get up." -- A. Tree "Hey, my Goldfish looks just like yours!" "I am a jelly doughnut." -- John F. Kennedy "I said a BUD LIGHT." - J. d'Arc "I wanna be around to pick up the pieces...." "I'm Having A Ball Doing Nothing At All" "If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster..." "In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye..." "Is this seat saved?" "No, but we're praying for it." "Junior, quit playing with your floppy!" "May you live all the days of your life." -- Swift "Men, in general, are but great great children" -- Napoleon "Milhouse, we live in the age of cooties!" -- Bart Simpson "Modem," said the gardener when he'd finished the lawn... "Monopoly? No, we just don't want competition" -- Intel "My favorite color? Red. No, BluAAAAAHHH!" "NO KILL I" - HORTA "Not a problem." -- Parker Lewis "Oops." -- Richard Nixon "Put knot yore trussed in spel chequers!" "Quick and Dirty Program" is only half right. Said the fly, "Let us flee." Said the flea, "Let us fly." "She's got a mortgage on my body and a lease upon my soul." "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar" -- Sigmund Freud "Tell me, is this Heaven?" "No, it's Iowa." "The abstract means nothing to me!" -- Rorschach "This sentence no verb." -- Douglas R. Hofstader "Who is #1?" "You are #6." "Who put the bomp in the bomp-a-bomp-a-bomp?" "With our judgements as our watches, none go just alike." "Woman must be a genius to create a good husband." -- Balzac "You're good, kid, but as long as I'm around..." #*(%#)>@<#%NO CARRIER $1000 reward for finding this man: 'Cause that's the way the computer crumbles. (((((This message in Stereo where available))))) *** TAGLINE BAN IN EFFECT *** **********<<< Expletive Deleted! >>>*********** *FLASH* Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. *I* didn't do it, the *computer* did it! A RAM is a terrible thing to waste. The Definition of Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in! Thou shall not kill, unless it's for dinner! - This Space For Rent - - this space intentionally left blank - - Time is forever -- a diamond is only temporary - - Today is cancelled due to lack of interest! - Nature always sides with the hidden flaw! There's ALWAYS one more bug! A naked man fears no pickpocket. ...and all the children are above average. ...and they lived happily ever after. ...only a test. Had this been an actual tagline... 1 + 2 = 3; Therefore, 4 + 5 = 6. 1 Minute Shut Mouth Worth 1 Hour Explanation 1912 - U.S. Income tax enacted to tax wealthiest 5%. 1991 - The Year of the Palindrome 1st Law of Thermodynamics: Go to class!! 2 + 2 = 5 only for extremely large values of 2. 2 wrongs don't make a right -- but 3 lefts do! 2 wrongs don't make right but 3 rights make a left! 2 + 2 = 3.999999999999999999999999999999999999999999.... 20 years experience.... or 1 year repeated? 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, Hmmm..... Survey says that 43.3% of all statistics are worthless. For sale, braille dictionary - like new, must see to appreciate 50 states, and I had to pick this one... 667: Satan's neighbor... 69, 714, 2112 : Sex, drugs, and Rock and Roll! 74% of all statistics are made up on the spot... 90% of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at. The information went data way -----> << Politically Un-Correct Tagline Deleted! >> <<< Tagline deleted by National Endowment for the Arts >>> Press -- to read the next message... nferior, ut arketable ?? Fatal Logic Error - Engage Brain and (R)etry A "PROGRAM" is used to turn valid data into error messages. A .45 beats a royal flush every time... A Dirty Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste A GOOD friend KEEPS the surplus zucchini!! A Penny earned is a Penny owed (Probably to Uncle Sam) A STOIC brings the baby; a CYNIC is where you wash it. A Tagline is a terrible thing to waste. A bird in the bush can't mess in your hand! A bird in the bush....HURTS! A bird in the hand is a big mistake. A bug is a feature that didn't make it into the manual. A classic is a book that is praised but not read. A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer. A clean, neat, desk is a sign of a sick mind. A clear conscience is merely the result of bad memory. A painful stinger is in the eye of the bee holder. A farmer is always going to be rich next year. A fate worse than death: To be married alive. A father is a banker provided by nature. A feature is a bug with seniority. A fool and his money are my best friends! A fool and his money are soon partying! A girl a day keeps the wife away. A good dog barks when told. A good pun is its own reword. A husband is a lover who pushed his luck too far. A liar isn't believed even when he speaks the truth. A little greed can get you lots of stuff. A little inaccuracy saves a lot of explanation. A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and . A man forgives only when he is in the wrong. A man serves best, when he serves himself. A mind is a terrible thing to taste. A nuclear war can ruin your whole day... A penny earned is Cheap labor.. A penny for your thoughts; $20 to act it out A penny saved is a Congressional oversight. A penny saved is not worth very much. A penny saved is worthless. A person in a passion rides a mad horse. A person is a lion in his own cause. A person without a navel lives within all of us. A pill a day keeps the stork away. A poor excuse is better than no excuse! A pretty .GIF is like a melody A programmer's work is never done. A right delayed is a right denied. A stumble may prevent a fall. A thing of beauty is in the eye of the beholder. A turkey roast is a foul ball... A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals. A waist is a terrible thing to mind. A wholesome mind is wasted potential. A wok is what you throw at a wabbit. A yawn is a silent shout. AAcckk!! II''mm iinn hhaallff dduupplleexx ABORT: Drivel filter is compromised! AGGHHhhh, 4 AM Already! ALWAYS tell the truth - Unless something better is handy. ANTIQUE STRIPPER TO DISPLAY WARES AT STORE ARRRRRGGGHHH!!!! ... Tension breaker, had to be done. ASCII and it shall be given unto you. ASCII stupid question...get a stupid ANSI. Abandon all hope, ye who press - here Abandon hope, all ye who here! Above all things, reverence yourself. Abstinence is a good thing if practiced in moderation... Acetone = What you do in exercise class... Actions are neither as good nor as evil as impulses. Actions from sanity are not necessarily from feeling. Adam ate the apple, and our teeth still ache. Adam's Rib: The original bone of contention. Advice is a dangerous commodity. After dinner, he said, "Your modem or mine?" Age is a hell of a price to pay for maturity. Ain't nerd-life grand? Air bags...Inflation we can live with! Air controllers nightmare: A pack of F-117s landing. Air pollution is a mist demeanor. Alas! The poor Tagline. I knew it well. All animals are equal, some more than others. All for one and one for ONE! All for one and one for ME! All generalizations are false! All southpaws, please raise your right hand! All men are born equal. The tough job is to outgrow it. All mimsy were the borogoves, and the mome raths outgrabe... All reality is aspect dependent. All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? All words are pegs on which to hang ideas. All's well that ends. Always a tagline! Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it. Always forgive your enemies. They -HATE- that! Am I wise, or otherwise? Amityville - A good Place To Be From - Far From! An Electrician gets into people's shorts! An appeaser feeds a crocodile, hoping to be eaten last. An electrician worries about current events... An expert is someone from out of town. An optimist is a guy without much experience... An ounce of pretension's worth a pound of manure... Anarchists of the world-- UNITE!! Anarchists unite! Anarchy is against the law! And now a word from our sponsor. And now for something completely different! And on the seventh day He took an aspirin. And this is what you do for fun? And, pray tell, whose imagination are you a figment of? Antenna coupling: insect foreplay Any certainty is a delusion. Any job worth doing is worth complaining about. Anyone could do it with manuals... Anyone who remembers the 60's...wasn't there. Anything free is worth what you pay for it. Apathy Error: Don't bother striking any key. Appreciate me now - and avoid the rush. At the Arabian power plants, do they wear turbines on their heads? Architecture is the art of how to waste space. Are CD's really the Pits? Are Casey and Kildare a "paradox"? Are Cheerios really donut seeds? Are we having fun yet? Are you into casual sex, or should I dress up? Are you sure (N/N)? Benjamin Franklin was all wet! As I said before, I NEVER repeat myself! As confused as a termite in a yo-yo... As easy as 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288419716 As for me, all I know is that I know nothing. As your Doctor, I advise you to drink heavily. Ask me about space hamsters. Ask not for whom the bell tolls; let the machine get it. Ask others for help and be in debt forever! Atheism is a non-prophet organization! Atheistic dyslexics don't believe in dog Avoid Computer virus - practice safe HEX! BABY ON BOARD -just means five more points BS (bee ess): n. An uninformed statement. Baby Philosophy - If it stinks, change it. Baby on board! Back up my hard disk? I can't find the reverse switch! Bacteria is more cultured than most people here... Bad Credit? No Credit? No Problem. No Money? Problem. Bad Girl: nothing but a good girl found out. Bad is never good until worse happens Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges! Bang, You're Dead! Barium: What you do when CPR fails... Bats fly in the dark because they see better...? Be sure not to start a tagline you can't complet Be suspicious of all native-born Esperanto speakers. Be vewy vewy quiet. I'm hunting wabbits. Beam me up Scotty. This isn't the men's room. Beam me up, there's no intelligent life here! Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.... Beauty is skin deep, ugly goes to the bone. Become a programmer and never see the world!! Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Beep, Beep... nope, not felix the cat... Beer cans empty! Memory Full! Zzzzzzzzzz!!! Beer. It's not just for breakfast anymore! Before backing up ... make a backup Before you louse something up, THIMK! Behind every argument is someone's ignorance. Behind every successful man is woman with nothing to wear Being paranoid doesn't mean they _aren't_ out to get you! Being young is...I don't remember anymore! Believe me... It's a hardware problem or a Virus Bell announces, FREE call waiti@*ng(#*$#{{ppp@#%{{{... Best way to be useful - stay out of the way. Beta version - too buggy to be released. Beware of geeks bearing GIFs! Beware of true believers -- you may be duped by a false god. "Beware the fury of a patient man." -- Dryden Big nostrils? Look at your finger size! Bigamist = Italian fog Bigamy: one wife too many. Monogamy: same idea. Bire qui coule ne manque pas de mousse. Black Holes were created when God divided by zero! Black holes are outa sight! Black holes are where God forgot to cancel the infinities. Black holes suck. Blessed are the pessimists; they make backups! Blood is thicker than water, and much tastier... Blue dove...the crackerjack is on the windowsill. Blue-shifted: The only way to travel ... Bo knows Taglines! Bo knows your girlfriend. Book never written: "Dog training" by Willy Bite Born to be Wiiiiiiiiiiiiillllllddddddddddd Breast size times I.Q. is constant. Brought to you by the Mother of all Messages Bud said, 'Let there be lite' and there was Lite. Buddhism means never having to say you're sorry. Bugs are Sons of Glitches. Bungee Diving - Living it up when you're going down! But I DID read the manual... But I thought YOU did the backups... But really, it was EXACTLY the same as before... But soft, what light through yonder tagline breaks? But what if I'm a figment of MY imagination? But which one is the fatherboard? But, boss, this IS part of my job! But, officer, I was only going ONE way! Butterfliers are freer. By all means, let's not confuse ourselves by the facts. C'est la vie. California Driving: To change lanes, first pull out your 9mm.. CAUTION: Dangerous and off Medication... CAUTION: INCORRIGABLE PUNSTER! DON'T INCORRIGE California has its faults. Camera bugs always know where to light! Camptown Races, 6837.6 Meters Long. Doo Dah! Can I yell "movie" in a crowded firehouse?? Can you find the misspelled word in hear? Can't have everything. Where would you put it? Cannibal: one who gets fed up with people. Capital Punishment: the income tax. Care to join the "Flat Earth" Society? Carpenters are just plane folks Cash value of this tagline: 1/20 of 1 cent Cash: a poor man's credit card! Castration takes balls. Cats, proof that eating and sleeping isn't all bad Caution: Blown Brain At Work! Caution: Breathing may be hazardous to your health. Caution: PET XING Celery raw develops a jaw, but celery stewed is quietly chewed. Celibacy is not an inherited characteristic. Chaperone: a form of fire extinguisher. Checkbook: a book with a unhappy ending. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come. Chemists have nice reactions. Chemists never die -- they just stop reacting. Chevrolet, Heartbreak of America. Chicken Little only has to be right once. Childish Game: One at which your spouse beats you. Children Learn What They Live! Children: unreasonable facsimiles Chipmunks roasting on an open fire... Cinderella's Godmother was a fairy! Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular. Click ... click ... click ... damn, out of taglines! Close the door and the light stays on! Closed Captioned in HEX for Programmers. Closed eyes are not always sleeping. Cogito ergo spud: I think therefore I yam. College don't make fools; they only develop them Come if you can't, but if you can, please stay home. Coming soon from Microsoft Foods: Animal Hackers Committee--a group which keeps minutes and wastes hours. Common Sense Isn't So Common Common malady: Diarrhea of mouth + constipation of brain Common sense is the uncommonest sense of all... Common sense isn't. Compiling...Linking...Dialing Copyright Lawyer... Complaints? Write them here legibly [ ] <- Computer users take more strokes. Computer widow: Family goes broke watching Dad have fun. Computers: the financial black hole of the 90's Condominiums are not effective birth control. Condoning sloppy spelling is guache. Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the reputation. Confusion will be my epitaph... Consider it considered! Consistency: The last refuge of the unimaginative Constants aren't; variables don't. Copyright 1995 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved. Coup de grace -- French for lawnmower? Cranial Input Error: Line Status Register 02 Credit card owner -- Member of the debt set Crime does not pay... as well as politics. Cthulhu Calls -- using MCI Jesus Saves... in case he's hungry later! Cure for baldness: Put on your hat! DANGER! DANGER! Computer Store Ahead, Hide Wallet. Databasers do it in fields. DEFINE: De ting you get for breaking de law. DON'T read the manual! Just WING that sucker! DOS: Tells a computer what to do with itself! Daddy? What's this little red button for? 32#)%@#)%#@%][{{{{.... Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a tagline writer. Dancing with Wolves, Sleeping with beavers... Danger! Human at keyboard! Dangerous Exercise: Jumping to conclusions. Dark Ages: knight time. Darth Vader sleeps with a teddywookie. Death cures cancer. A debate conference is mud wrestling for the pedantic. Debate, rebate, probate - what's the difference?? Decisions terminate panic. Defend the right to keep and arm bears! Delivered by Electronic Sled-Dogs.....Woof! Dentist : he lives from hand to mouth. Department meeting in 3 minutes. There IS something that you are forgetting to do now... Diagonally parked in a parallel universe. Did you know that SATAN is an anagram for SANTA? Did you know that rats can't vomit? The difference between men & boys is the price of their toys. Diversity is the mother of continued employment. Divorce is not an effective deterrent to marriage. Divorcee: a woman who gets richer by decrees. Do computers sneeze when they catch a virus? Do Quarter Horses have only one leg???? Do files get embarrassed being unZIPped ? Do not believe in miracles. Rely on them. Do not pay any attention to this. Do not read beyond this line. Do not remove this tagline under penalty of law! Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? Does FAKE fur come from stuffed animal toys? Does fuzzy logic tickle? Does the name "Pavlov" ring a bell? Dogmatism: Puppyism come to its full growth. Doing it the hard way is always easier. Dollar: the jack of all trades. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain. Don't feed the hand that bites you. Don't get hooked on drugs, get hooked on fishing. Don't happy, be worry! Don't hate me, I'm just a tagline! Don't hide your contempt of the contemptible! Don't judge a book by its movie. Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. Don't mind me; I'm the designated drunk. Don't need future shock--present shock is enough. Don't open the darkroom door; it lets all the dark out. Don't play "stupid" with me... I'm better at it! Don't question authority, he doesn't know either. Don't steal, the government doesn't like the competition... Don't touch that keyboard! We'll be right back. Don't try to confuse me with the facts! Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. Don't use commas, which, aren't necessary. Don't worry, be happy. Don't worry: The answer's at the back of the book. Don't you hate boring taglines? Down with TLAs! (three letter acronyms) Drive Offensively! Drive slower than your guardian angel can fly. Dumb Questions are better than smart mistakes! Dumb luck beats sound planning every time Dyslexics have more fnu Dyslexics of the World: Untie! ERROR: CPU not found Each day a day goes by. Eagles Soar!, but weasels aren't sucked into jets! Eagles fly, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines! Early to bed, early to rise makes people suspicious. Earth: Its only ours to borrow! Eat more Possum! Eat the rich - the poor are tough and stringy. Eat yogurt and get cultured! Editing is a rewording activity. Effective Gun Control: Keep muzzle pointed at target. Electrician -- Person who wires for money Elevator men do it on all floors Engineers: often wrong, seldom in doubt Envy is thin because it bites but never eats. Epoch: the sound made by a hen Error #1511: Brain Offline Error - Operator out of memory! Espresso: ultra-efficient caffeine delivery system Ettore's law: the other line always moves faster Even Programers need a "bit" of love Even a small star shines brightly in the dark Even small mouths can gather BIG feet! Even the dullest candle burns brighter in the dark. Even this shall pass away... Ever lob a live grenade into a basket of kittens? Ever stop to think and forget to start again? Every child should be given the desire to learn. Every crowd has a silver lining. Every day is starting to look like Monday ... Every morning you are handed 24 golden hours..... Every politician has a price, some hold bargain sales. Everyone is entitled to my opinion, just ask me... Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner. Everyone is of some use, if only to set a bad example! Everything starts as somebody's daydream. Ever get the feeling that everything you know is wrong? Excuse me if I sound bitter....I taste that way too. Explosive when wet FORD = Fix Often, Repair Daily FORD = Found On Road Dead FORFEIT: What most animals stand on. FUBB -- Fouled Up Beyond Belief FUNDAMENTALISM is never having to open your mind. Fatal Error: You're dead. Fear is the darkroom where negatives develop. Fear is the parent of cruelty. Features should be discovered, not documented! Feed your faith and starve your doubts to death. Feel good? Don't worry; you'll get over it! Female programmers get their bits twiddled. Fiddle: Friction of a horse's tail on a cat's entrails. Fighting for peace is like f***ing for virginity File not found -- I'll load something *I* think is interesting! File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) First Shalt thou pull out the Holy Pin! Floppy disk - A disk that flops Floppy not responding--formatting hard drive! Fonts and Typefaces: The more the merrier! Fools rush in -- and get the best seats. Fools rush in where fools have been before. For New Year's, I gave up sex & lying. For Sale: Dehydrated water - $14 per quart For a photographer, life is just a bed of poses... Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it. Forget patience! I'm gonna kill something... Forget the Joneses.... I can't keep up with The Simpsons Freedom isn't cheap and it never goes on sale. Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate Friendships are not always preserved in alcohol. From the land of graft and corruption! G=Guns, PG=Plenty of Guns, PG-13=More than 12 guns... Genealogy: tracing us back to the same brother and sister Geologist -- Fault finder Getting caught is the mother of invention. Give a man an inch, and he thinks he's a ruler. Give me patience! RIGHT NOW! Go Ahead.. We're cleared for weird. Go ahead, back up to the RAM disk. I dare you! Go ahead, jump! 100,000 lemmings can't be wrong. Go straight to the docs. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200. God dislikes money -- look who he gives it to. God heals, but always someone else wants a fee. God is real, unless declared integer. Good girls go to heaven...but bad girls go EVERYWHERE!!! Good luck is a lazy man's estimate of a worker's success. Grandma got run over by a reindeer... Gravity is a law. Lawbreakers will be brought down! Gravity: it's not just a good idea, it's the law! Great minds discuss ideas; Small minds discuss people. Greenhouse, schmeenhouse -- I'm FREEZING! Gun control is hitting what you aim at. Guns don't kill. Fast-moving projectiles do. H y! Wh r did my " " k y go? HAS THE WORLD GONE MAD?!? HO! 10 FOR X = 1 TO 3 : PRINT "Ho! "; : NEXT X : REM SantaWorks 1.0 HOW can I be OVERDRAWN if I still have CHECKS left in the book??? Hams do it with more frequencies... Happy couple: A deaf husband and a blind wife. Hard DISK? Gee lady, I misunderstood you. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. Hardware: The part you kick. Has anyone found my marbles? Have a good day today and a better day tomorrow! Have a nice day. Have to ask the price? You can't afford it! Have you clubbed an ignorant human today? Have you got all the stuffing up one end? Have you hugged a porcupine today? Have you hugged a programmer today? Have you hugged an electric fence today? Have you hugged your computer lately? Have you hugged your motherboard today? He ain't heavy; he's a Shareware Author. He played a Sanity card! AARRGGH! He wants a shoe horn, the kind with teeth. He who dies with the most software WINS! He who dies with the most toys is still DEAD! He who laughs last found the dirty meaning. He's a SOB -- but at least he's *our* SOB. He's dead Jim. Grab his tricorder. I'll get his wallet. Healed Head Good, Bleeding Head Bad! Health is the slowest possible rate to die... Heisenberg may have been here. Hell hath no pizza! Hell is kept warm with profane burners! Hello, sailor! Help the economy...buy something here !! Hepaticocholecystostcholecystenterostomy Here today, dawn tomorrow. Here's Looking At You, Kid Heredity: If your parents had no kids, you won't. Hero-worship: Idol gossip. Hey Rocky - watch me pull a tagline outta my hat! Hey! Who uncorked my bottle of lunch? Hey, what's that beeping noise? Where's that smoke coming fr{{()_)($}{{PP{ Hey, who spilled coffee on my keyboard?! Hips or lips: Let your conscience be your guide... Hire teenagers while they still know everything. History repeats itself because nobody listens Hollywood: A trip through a sewer in a glass bottom boat. Home is where the computer is plugged in. Honesty is the best image. Honesty: Fear of being caught. Honk if you've been married to Elizabeth Taylor! Horn busted! Watch for finger... How am I supposed to know what a rhetorical question is? How can I fail when I have no purpose??? How can I miss you if you won't go away? How do I set my Laser Printer to STUN? How do they get teflon to stick to the pans? Howdy Doody had 48 freckles. Humanity is a parasite I *wish* I could remember where I parked my hard disk.... I AM standing. I Disclaim All Warranties Of Merchantability I don't know what apathy is, nor do I care! I HATE it when that happens! I Wonder What The Big Red Button Does....? Okay, I admit it - *I* made all the crop circles. I am a person of color: My color is White. I am in total control, but don't tell my wife. I am not a dictator. It's just I have a grumpy face. I am not an animal! I am ... well, not an animal. I am not arguing with you, I'm telling you. I am not young enough to know everything. I am. Therefore, I think. I think. I call things as I see them; If I didn't see them, I make 'em up! I came, I saw, I confused. I can see more on my knees than on my tiptoes. I can write it perfectly; I just don't understand it. I can't believe my computer's on fire. I can't help it if I'm lucky... I can't use GS/OS. My cat ate my mouse. I didn't do anything--unless I was supposed to. I didn't do it nobody saw me you can't prove anything! I didn't get the documentation for the manuals! I don't eat snails - I only eat fast food! I don't know what I like, but I know what art is. I don't want it Now, or Right Now, I want it YESTERDAY! I dont nead no speling cheker! I forget what I was going to I had my head examined. They didn't find *anything*! I have NOT lost my mind, it's here on disk somewhere... I have a feeling this isn't Kansas, Toto! I have but three enemies: fear, anger, ignorance. I have charts and graphs that prove I'm right. I have dynamic memory, it needs refreshing... I have seen the data...now bring me some I can agree with! I have to stop now, my fingers are getting hoarse! I just bought a cured ham. Wonder what it had? I like children, if they are properly cooked! I live in a house, but belong in a HOME. I live the life of Riley...when Riley isn't home. I love New York! * * * No Radio I love my job! I love my job! I love my job! I love my... I love the smell of Technology in the morning! I may not be perfect, but I am all I got! I multitask... I read in the bathroom! I never liked you, and I always will! I never met a Lasagna I didn't like! I never rise above the noise and confusion... I parked my hard disk - and got a ticket! I practice moderation to excess. I program, therefore I exist. I spilled spot remover on my dog, and now he's gone ... I remember me... I think. I remember when Saturns were rockets, not cars. I saw a lot of trees today; and they were made of wood. I saw what you did and I know who you are. I sighed as a lover, I obeyed as a child. I smell a rat. Did you bake it or fry it? I still miss my ex-wife - but my aim is improving! No tagline today. I've got a headache..... I thought I made a mistake once, but I was wrong... I thought I was wrong once but I was mistaken. I tried switching to gum but I couldn't keep it lit! I tried to drown my sorrows, but they can swim. I twaught I twall a pussy cat, I did! I did! I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure. I wanna see 'em explode in every zip code! I just want a warm bed and a kind word - and unlimited power. I want it all or nothing. Or maybe some. I was going to procrastinate, but I put it off. I was on a roll, till I slipped on the butter. I will fight for your right to your wrong opinion. I wish I could step on this program's bug. I wish I was more like I think I am. I wish life had a scroll-back buffer..... I wish you humans would leave me alone. I would say more, but I'm limited to 45 chara I would strongly oppose apathy, if I cared... I'd rather wear out than rust out. I'll backup my Hard Drive tomor*(&^)*98&^^... I'll deal with today tomorrow. I'll get to it on the 2nd Tuesday of next week. I'll make you famous.... I'll never forget the....uhh...the...never mind! I'll never forget what's-his-name. I'll respect animal rights if they sign the Constitution. I'm Buster Brown and I live in a shoe! I'm FLYING!, I'm FLYING! >THUD< I'm NOT schizo! Oh, yes I AM! I'm a Lumberjack and I'm OK! I'm a analog man in a digital world I'm as innocent as a new-laid egg. I'm at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk. I'm easy to please as long as I get my way. I'm fascinated by the way memory diffuses fact. I'm gonna plead insanity, what about you? I'm in here for being crazy, not stupid. I'm in shape ... pear is a shape isn't it? I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it? I'm more humble than you are! I'm neither for nor against apathy... I'm nervous and my socks are too loose. I'm not an actor, but I play one on TV. I'm not arrogant, I'm RIGHT! I'm not as think as you stoned I am. I'm not lost, I'm "locationally challenged." I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am. I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this? I'm not tense, just terribly A*L*E*R*T. I'm pink, therefore I'm SPAM. I'm schizophrenic and so am I. I'm solidly behind whichever side eventually wins. I'm user friendly, I don't byte -- I nybble. IBM - Making Tomorrow's Mistakes Today!!! IBM = Ice Box Machines IBM: Inertia Breeds Mediocrity ILLITERATE? Write for a free brochure... INFLATION is when the BUCK doesn't stop ANYWHERE. If at first you dont succeed: Rewrite it from scratch If "R" is Reverse, how come "D" is FORWARD? If E.T. married Peter Cetera he'd be ET CETERA. If I wanted your opinion I'd ask your computer. If I were here more often, I wouldn't be gone so much. If Marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws! If a program is useful, it must be changed. If all goes well, you've overlooked something! If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. If at first you don't succeed, call it Ver 1.0 If at first you don't succeed, cry. If at first you don't succeed, forget it. If at first you don't succeed, lower your standards. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving's not for you! If code was meant to be portable, it'd have wheels... If it ain't broke, wait a day or two!! If it isn't borken, don't fix it. You know me. If it was raining soup, I'd have a knife & fork... If it works, rip it apart and find out why! If it works, you must have done something wrong. If it's obvious, it's obviously wrong. If it's useless, it will have to be documented. If its stupid and it works - its not stupid If money is the root of all evil, I've been uprooted. If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help! If plugging it in doesn't help, turn it on. If puns are outlawed, only outlaws will have puns... If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? If today was a fish, I'd throw it back in. If turning it on doesn't help, plug it in. If we believe absurdities, we shall commit atrocities... If we don't succeed, we increase our chances at failure. If ya can't feed em', don't breed em'!!! If you can't bite, don't show your teeth. If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead? If you can't make it good, make it big. If you can't make it good, make it expensive. If you can't say it in 50 characters, then don't b If you don't care where you are, then you can't get lost. If you don't like my opinion of you - improve yourself! If you don't think women are explosive, drop one!! If you hit every time, the target's too near. If you live long enough, it WILL kill you... If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast... If you take the plunge, return it by Tuesday. If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. If you took the bones out, it wouldn't be so crunchy, eh? If your mind goes blank, remember to turn off the sound. Ignorance & apathy: I don't know & I don't care Ignorance is a *fault*, not an excuse. Ignorance leads to Indulgence. Ignore your teeth and they'll go away! Illiterate? Write for free information! Images and reflections to brighten my day. "Imagination is more important than knowledge." -- Einstein Improve your memory, forget about work In The Search For Quality, There Is No Finish Line In an atomic war, all men will be cremated equal. In fact, I DON'T put my pants on one leg on leg at a time In the computer world, every little bit helps. In this world a man must either be anvil or hammer. Indecision is the basis of Flexibility. Inflation means the Buck does not stop here... Innuendo = Italian suppository Insert disk 5 of 4 and press any key to continue. Insert prong A into hole B and twist HARD! Instant Human: Just Add Coffee... IrepeatmyselfwhenunderstressIrepeatmyselfwhenunderstressIrepeatmyselfwhenunder Irony: Giving father a billfold for Christmas. Is Darth Vader YOUR father, too? Is piece when the loin lies down with the limb? Is the dingleberry still fashionable? Is there death after life? Is this yours? Your dog left it on my lawn ... Is virus a 'micro' organism? It always happens, but we never expect "the unexpected". It behooves us to avoid archaisms. It said "Insert disk #3", but only 2 will fit! It wasn't broken...until I started playing with it! It's ALWAYS dark if you never open your eyes! It's MY idea 'cause I stole it first! It's been a business doing pleasure with you... It's better to burn out, than to fade away. It's easier to get older than it is to get wiser... It's great to do nothing and rest afterwards. It's hard to believe it, but some teens are humans. It's hard to call the zoo when the lion's busy. It's not pretty being easy! It's not the age - it's the mileage! It's on that one, the 6th unlabeled floppy. Ithinkmyspacebarstoppedworking. James Brown: "Help! I've fallen and I can't get down!" Jeez, if you love Honkus... Jesus Saves! With today's prices, that's a miracle! Jesus saves; now offering 14.9% !! Join Amnesiacs Anonymous at um, er... Join D.A.M. - Mothers Against Dyslexia Junk - stuff we throw away. Stuff - junk we keep. Just 'cause it won't work; YOU think its buggy! Just because. Just got a new car for my wife... Great trade... Keep London tidy -- eat a pigeon. Keep your eye upon the doughnut, not upon the hole ERROR: Keyboard is disconnected. Press spacebar to continue. ERROR: Keyboard is disconnected. THINK spacebar to continue. Klingons have Ridges. Laptop: Lighter than the average secretary Last words of Socrates: "I drank what?!?!" Last year many lives were caused by accidents... Latin is a real angina gluteus maximus. Laugh, and the world laughs at you! Law of holes: when you're in one, stop digging! Learn to fly. Skydive. Let them eat Twinkies! Let us celebrate an exaltation of larks! Let's spend the night together! Life before the real world -- work. Life begins at contraception. Life is a sexually transmitted and terminal disease. Life is anything that dies when you stomp it! Life is like a simile. Life is not a spectacle or a feast, it is a predicament. Life sucks and then you marry one who won't. Listen to BOTH sides of their mouth! Listen to the rhythm of crashing hard drives Live long and prosper... But don't let the IRS know. Live long enough to become a problem to your kids. Logic is a way of going wrong with confidence. Lonely is the programer with a debugged program. Biting dogs never bark? Love is grand. Divorce, twenty grand. Love of money is the root of all politics. Luckily, I'm out of hairs to split! Luxuriantly hand-crafted of only the finest ASCII. Machinists have bigger shafts. Macho Women With Guns! Renegade Nuns on Wheels! Macho does not prove mucho. Madam I'm Adam Madness takes its toll, exact change please Make a difference in the world today: Subtract Man does not live by coffee alone. Have a danish! Man looks into the abyss, and sees himself. Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely. Many are educated...few are learned... Many men smoke, but fu man chu Many pages make a thick book. Marriage is the main cause for divorce. Marriages are based on believing you won the arguments. Mary had a little RAM -- only about a MEG or so. Mary had a little lamb...a little beef, a little ham. Master of the Night and Parts of the Afternoon. May fortune favor the foolish. May the Farce be with you! "May the wind behind you always be your own" -- Motto of Hormel Chili May you never live to see your wife a widow... Me, indecisive? I don't think I am, do you? Meep, Meep, (and picture a cloud of smoke...) Memoirs are the backstairs of history. It's a small world... but I wouldn't want to paint it. Memory is the second thing to go. Memory....??....What memory?? Mice are handy accessories, but I prefer gerbils Microbiology Lab: Staph Only! Midden: a kind of fingerless glove Might as well face it, you're addicted to code... Minds, like parachutes, work only when open. Misery brings strange bedfellows. Misfortunes always enter a door left open for them. Missed it by | | <- That much! Missing - presumed married. Moebius strippers never show you their back side. Modesty is good bait when fishing for praise. Monday is soon coming to a calendar near you! Mondays are a rotten way to spend a 7th of your life. Money: A mint makes it first and we try to make it last. Monologue: A conversation between realtor and prospect. Morning: cause for alarm Most of our future lies ahead. Most political jokes get elected! Multitasking: Locking up more than 1 application at a time. Murphy was an optimist. My boss is tempermental. 50% temper and 50% mental. My computer's sick. I think my modem is a carrier. My dad and I are siamese twins. My last original thought died of loneliness. My lawyer can beat up your lawyer! My mind is closed. Please call again later. My mistakes are purely erroneous. My mouse only has one ball.... My only cow died, so I don't need your bull. My other brain's a schizophrenic. My reality check just bounced. My wife's other car is a BROOM! NASA: There's no such thing as a free launch. Nepotism is relational. Never "assume" or you'll make an "ass" of "u" and "me". Never drink whisky on an empty ulcer! Never moon a werewolf... Never park your hard disk in a tow-away zone. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. Never smirk at the judge.. Never take a beer to a job interview. Never test for an error you don't know how to handle. Never trust a person who says, "Trust Me".... New regulations means new jobs for new regulators! Next time you wave, use ALL of your fingers!! Nibbles, bits, bytes....great hobby for a dieter, huh?!? Nietzche is pietzche, but Sartre is smartre. No Condo, No MBA, No BMW, No Clever Tagline No Tagline available at this time. No amount of planning will replace dumb luck. No answer is also an answer. No great scoundrel is ever uninteresting. No matter what happens, someone always knew it would. "No matter where you go, there you are." -- B. Bonzai No mud can soil us but the mud we throw. No one does as much harm as one going about doing good. No one has ever bet enough on a winning horse. "No one has ever died an atheist." -- Plato Two things no one should have to see the making of: laws and sausages No person ever became wicked all at once. No wanna work. Wanna bang on keyboard. No, I'm not shy - just poor and unemployed. No, Taco Bell is NOT the Mexican Telephone Company! No, no, nurse! I said SLIP off his SPECTACLES!! Noah saved animals from the flood by ARCing them... Noble deeds that are concealed are most esteemed. Nobody ever expects the Spanish Inquisition Nobody notices when things go right. Not a real tagline, but an incredible soy substitute. Not breaking the rules, just testing the elasticity... Not even with BOTH hands AND a flashlight! Not sure if it helps, but try turning the monitor ON.... Nothing cures a case of nerves like a case of beer. Nothing is so smiple that it can't get screwed up. Nothing's IMPOSSIBLE to those that don't have to do it. Now I've gone too far, where do I go now? Now that I am dead, I'm finally making a living. Nuke 'em 'til they glow, & shoot 'em in the dark! OH NO, my wife burned the rice crispies -- AGAIN!! Of all liars, memory is the most convincing. Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most! Oh, I'm a tagline, and I'm OK... Oh, mollusks. I thought you said bacon. Oh, no! Not another learning experience! Oh, yeah? Well, beam THIS up, pal! Oh, you didn't want an XEROX of the disk? Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill. Old age is better than the alternative. Old mufflers never die, they get exhausted. On a clear desk you can never find anything. On the other hand, you also have 5 fingers. One good turn gets all the blankets! One man gathers what another man spills... One man's theology is another man's belly laugh. One who is always in a stew generally goes to pot. Only death is fatal -- life is not! Lemmings always jump to conclusions... Only the mediocre are always at their best. Operator...give me the number for 911, quick! Optical mice have no balls! But other than that, how'd you like the play, Mrs. Lincoln? Overestimation: Thinking that all your geese are swans. Oxymoron: one who has used too much acne goo? PATIENCE: A Virtue That Carries A Lot Of Wait PROGRAM v. act similar to beating your head against a wall Pagans do it in the Woad Paramedics are patient people. Paranoids are never alone. Pardon me, but your shoe is ringing... Parenthood: Feeding the mouth that bites you! Patience -- Wait control Pedestrian: The most approachable chap in the world. A funny thing happened on my way to the Finder... People say I'm apathetic, but I don't care. People say I'm indecisive, but I'm not so sure. If there were a death penalty, wouldn't everyone stay alive? Photographers do it with a shutter. Pi R squared. Nooo! Pie R round, Cornbread R squared! Pine Trees are fine trees! Piss on you, I'm workin' for Mel Brooks! Play it Again, Sam Please don't spoil everything by telling me the truth. Please don't yell at me. I'm new at this. Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis Pockets! I have POCKETS!!! Politically incorrect and DAMNED proud of it!!! Positively NO TAGS ALLOWED HERE!!!!! Power attracts the corruptible. Power corrupts. Absolute power is kinda neat. Practice safe eating: use condiments. Preserve wildlife... pickle a squirrel. Press any key to continue or any other key to quit Press any key to exit or any other key to continue. Procrastinators don't die; they keep putting it off! Professor: a textbook wired for sound. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out. Proposed NEW tax will pay the tax on the tax, supposedly. Prosperity makes friends, adversity tries them. Puns are bad, but poetry is verse. Put two pennies in your pocket... they'll breed. Quick, call a Witch Doctor. My witch is sick! Quoth the Raven, "Eat My Shorts." Robinson Crusoe - the only one who got everything done by Friday! This tagline is RADIOACTIVE!! If you've read this, you're sterile by now! RAM = Rarely Adequate Memory RAM DISK is NOT an installation procedure! ROM wasn't built in a day. Radioactive halibut will make fission chips. Rainy days and automatic weapons get me down... Read the manual? Doesn't it come in automatic? Real Men program in >solder to continuum. Reality is for people who can't face drugs. Reality is for people who can't handle computers. Reality-ometer: [\........] Hmmph! Thought so... Reality: a crutch for those that don't daydream! Recycle garbage: Re-elect your Congressman! Remember, you're working with a machine that thinks 1 + 1 = 10. Remember: 'i' before 'e', except in Budweiser Remove tongue from cheek before chewing. Reputation: what others are not thinking about you Resistance Is Useless! (If < 1 ohm) Rl prgrmmrs dnt nd vwls Rocks: The original unfinished furniture! Rush Hour is an oxymoron! SERVICE AND CLAIMS: Open Midnight to 2 AM. Sandwich: An faulty attempt to make both ends meat. Save a tree. Eat a beaver. Save on toilet paper...use both sides! Save the Whales - Collect the entire set! Save your money for a rainy day. Rainy days now selling for $3.95. Season's Greetings should be all year 'round! Self-made man: A horrible example of unskilled labor. Sell! Sell Everything, dammit! Sell!! Send Monopoly Money to your Favorite TV Evangelist Sex is a misdemeanor-- The more you miss, de meaner you get. Sharewear (n.) -- Used clothing. At least schizophrenics aren't LONELY... Shortcut: Taking the quicker route to the long line you have to wait in! Should be read umop apisdn for best results Show Girl : she's more show than girl. "Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you." -- C. Jung Sign here: X______________________________. So, where IS the key? Software unprotects, a hex change operation Some nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men Some people think "asphalt" is a rectal disorder. Some things are still sacred - I haven't taken them apart Some thoughts are best guillotined before actions result. Sometimes the obvious works best! Spaceballs: The Tagline Stagecoach -- Drama teacher Steal my wallet, car and TV - but leave the computer! Stipulation #1: There will be no stipulations. Stop discrimination, hate everyone equally. A system error occurred. Strike any coworker to continue. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! Success is just a matter of luck. Ask any failure. Support DAMM--Drunks Against Mad Mothers! Support animal literacy! Surly to bed, and surly to rise. Surrender now - before I have to offer you better terms. Swords to Ploughs? Wouldn't they be small? THINKING HURTS, it may lead to unpleasant truths! TV is a crutch for those who lack imagination. Tact is for weenies. Tag - You're it! How childish... Tagline #274, See Appendix C, pg 245 Tagito ergo sum (I tag, therefore I am) Take my advice, I don't use it anyway. Take pot to the beach; leave no tern unstoned. Take two crows and caw me in the morning Talk is cheap - Because supply exceeds demand. I know they're not metal, but teeth were NOT made for stripping live wires! That's Bond, James Bond, double-oh-seven... You see an aura of respectability in the mirror? No wait, that's just a smudge That's odd -- I coulda SWORN I had a tagline when I came in here... Wait... now, WHY did I boot up this computer again? That's why GOD made your eyes; to plagiarize. The "Any" key? See the one in the back marked "power"? The Answer is 42. The First Myth of Management - It exists. The Golden Age will come only when men have forgotten gold... The Grass is Brown on BOTH sides of the Fence... The National Procrastinators Week will be postponed... The OFFICIAL tagline of the 1996 Olympics! The Toe that can be stubbed is not the true Toe. The agony of delete... The arrogance of age must submit to be taught by youth. The best blood at times gets into fools and mosquitoes. The best defense against logic is stupidity. The best way to accelerate a Mac is at 9.8 m/s^2 The best way to accelerate an IBM is at 9.8 m/s^2 The bugs will go away when you turn off the computer! The characters in this message are recyclable. Help save the environment. The day divides the nights. Nightime devours the day. The early worm has a death wish. The fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion. The flood has arrived, may we interest you in an ark? The good news is that the bad news was wrong... The human race is still in beta test... The hurrieder I go, the behinder I get.... The mailman bringeth... The trashmen taketh away! The metallic years: silver hair, gold teeth, lead bottom... The more I learn, the more I have to learn. The more known about people, the more to admire in dogs. The mouse with a single hole is quickly caught by the cat. The only realities are the atoms and empty space. The phone is baroque, please call bach later. The price of liberty is eternal vigilance... The problem with the gene pool is there's no lifeguard... The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple. The road to success is always under construction. The trouble with a kitten is that, eventually it's a cat. The truth, however, is not pertinent to the issue. The weather is here...wish you were beautiful. The wise learn more from fools than fools from the wise. The woman cries before the wedding; the man afterward. The world is a beautiful book, for those who can read it. The worst prison would be a closed heart. The worst thing about censorship is ****** *** ******* ********* **. The worst vice of a fanatic is his sincerity. The wrong way always seems the more reasonable. There are lies, damned lies, and benchmarks! These are your eggs on drugs. These hemorrhoids are a pain in the neck! They can't fire me -- Slaves have to be sold!!! Thin may be in, but fat's where it's at! Think "HONK" if you're a telepath. Think! It may hurt, but it pays off over time. Think! While it's still legal!! This Tagline will self-destruct in 5 seconds! Should you choose not to accept this mission, this computer will self-destruct. This building is so high, the elevator shows movies. This is NOT Burger King. You do not get it YOUR way. This is X Insurance Co - How May I Shaft You? This is abuse. Arguments are down the hall. This is an egg. This is a frying pan. Any questions? Do not copy this tag w/o the express written consent of Major League Baseball! This line is reserved for future development. This message is $hareWare! To register, please send $20. This tagline is Serial # 2377/AFR-1104.991 This tagline is copy protected This tagline is identical to the one you are reading. This tagline is umop apisdn This tagline is under repair. Thank you. This tagline not sponsored by Pepsi in any way. Throw rocks at sea-birds; leave no tern unstoned. Time Stops for no man. Except me. Time flies like an arrow, Fruit flies like an apple... Where does the time go? No, alas, time stays, we go. To avoid seeing a fool, break your mirror. To be and not to be, that is the contradiction To err is Human. To blame someone else is politics. To err is human but mostof us never make mistake To err is human. To moo is bovine. To every rule there's an exception & vice versa. To increase speed add lightness To iterate is human, to recurse divine. To live is to risk dying. Today's subliminal message is . Today, take an astronaut to launch. This is a family tagline. G-Rated. Bring the kids! Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again! Try not to unnecessarily or excessively split infinitives Tuba or not tuba? Two most common elements in the universe: Hydrogen & Stupidity Uh, oh, looks like time to upgrade already... Ultimate oxymoron: "Cash Surplus" Unable to locate Coffee -- Operator Halted! Unbreakable toys are good for breaking other toys. Unless you can see black then white has no meaning... Unregistered Evaluation Tagline Upgraded my network last week. Yep, new Reeboks! Use your own judgement -- then do as I say... Users: Keep them dry and don't feed them after midnight. VD is nothing to clap about! Variables won't; Constants aren't. Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Exploration Team: 1999-1955 Vice Versa: Mafia controlled poetry... Virginity is a disease that can be cured. Vuja De -- The Feeling You've Never Been Here Vulgarity: The conduct of others. WARNING! No user serviceable characters in this tagline. WARNING! Removal of this tagline prohibited by law! WARNING: The Surgeon General Started Smoking! WINTER is Nature's way of saying, "UP YOURS!" WYTYSYDG - What you thought you saw, you didn't get. Waiting to overcome all objections, results in nothing. Wasting time is an important part of living. Watch out! Your PKZIP is open! Water + Malt + Hops + Yeast = Satisfaction Watson, the game's afoot! We ain't slow, we just nap when we're sleepy! We all live in a yellow subroutine... We are in bondage to the law so that we may be free. We are the people our parents warned us about! We come in peace, shoot to kill. We have met the enemy and they tasted GREAT! We have standards and expect you not to exceed them. We must believe in free will. We have no choice. What color is a chameleon on a mirror? What good grammar you got. What school you went? What happens when fish trip? What if there were no hypothetical situations... What orators lack in depth they make up in length. What's another word for Thesaurus? What's the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow? "Whatever it is, I'm against it!" -- Groucho Marx What's the world coming to? A dead end... When I want your opinion, I'll read your entrails. When PIG's fly they will be called PIGeons When all think alike, then no one is thinking. When in Rome . . . romance! When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, yell and shout! When in doubt, do as the doubters do? When money speaks, truth keeps silent. When on a roll, should you be concerned or jelly-filled? When the going gets tough... The tough get a beer. And when the wind is northerly, I know a hand from a hawksaw? Let's go. We can't. Why not? We're waiting for Godot. Ah... "Inspector Hound!" "A police dog?" When you come to a fork in the road, look around for the knife and spoon! Where are we going? And why am I in this handbasket? Where do honey bees go potty? At a BP station, naturally. Where does the fire go when the fire goes out? Where ever Yugo, I go. Where there is a stink feces there is the odor of being. Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined... Why DID kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Why Doesn't Ice Cream Have Any Bones??? Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free? Why can't women remember to put the toilet lid back up?! Why do you park in a driveway, and drive on a parkway??? Why don't chickens have lips? Why don't you sue your brains for non-support? Why get even, when you can get odd? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why read the Docs....I'm already confused! I have the wisdom of many and the wit of a half. With a calendar, your days are numbered! With free advice, you get what you paid for. Women do come with instructions; just ask them! Women! Can't live with them, Can't live with them! Words and ideas are what change our world. Workshops are the bane of civilization. Would George have been president if his name was Harry? Wow, is that a REAL Elvis satin wallhanging? You are HERE ----> ! <----- You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose... You can't eat your friends and have them too. You can't make a sow's purse out of a silk ear. You can't rollerskate in a buffalo herd... Once in a while, a movie comes along. This is such a movie. You know you're dieting when postage stamps taste good. You made my day, now you have to lie in it. You said a mouseful! You threw out my WHAT? You want it when?? You're standing where I want to pee. Your .ZIP file is open. Youth + confidence + myopia = naivete. Yukon Fred's Pizzeria and Gator Pit ZMODEM has bigger bits, softer blocks, and tighter ASCII Deny thy father and forget thy tagline. ebius tagline. This is a moebius tagline. This is a mo Did you remember to wipe? kjhf7u2sfgywh...HEY, get the cat off my computer! Multitask: Choke on gum and trip simultaneously! "Is" is the verb for when you don't want a verb. Oh dear, I think you'll find reality's on the blink again. One lawyer can steal more than a hundred men with guns. Damn! Must have forgotten to pay the reality bill! Open the pod bay doors, HAL. I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that. ...as American as English muffins and French toast. 1955-1975: 36 Elvis movies. 1975-1995: nothing. A bachelor is a guy who is footloose and fiancee free. A Big Mac, french fries and a large Coke! A career is a job that takes about 20 more hours a week. A day without sunshine is like night. A harp is a nude piano. "A heavy purse makes a light heart." - Irish proverb A man, a plan, a canal. Suez! A man's house is his hassle. A misguided platypus will lay its eggs in your shorts. A nearby penny is worth a distant dollar. A pessimist complains about the noise when opportunity knocks. A project not worth doing at all is not worth doing well. A stitch in time would have confused Einstein. A zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes. Abolish first marriages! Abstain from beans. Academy: A modern school where football is taught. All generalizations are bad. All people smile in the same language. All that glitters has a high refractive index. All the world's a stage and I think we missed the dress rehearsal... All things are possible! ... except maybe skiing thru a revolving door. All true wisdom is found on T-shirts. All work and no play, will make you a manager. Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else. An adequate bootstrap is a contradiction in terms. An egotist thinks he's in the groove when he's in a rut. An optimist laughs to forget... a pessimist forgets to laugh. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. And tomorrow will be like today, only more so. Anything is possible, unless it's not. As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code. Assassination is the extreme form of censorship. Avoid criticism--say, do and be nothing. Baby carriage bumper sticker: "POO-POO HAPPENS!" Bad luck is being run over by the welcome wagon. Be reasonable. Do it my way. Behind every successful man is a surprised mother-in-law. Between two evils, always pick the one you never tried before. Beware of a tall dark man with a spoon up his nose. Beware of low flying butterflies. Beware the legless man who teaches running. Beware the thirty-first of November. Biggest security gap -- an open mouth. Biology grows on you. Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think. Careful planning will never replace dumb luck. Check again to make sure it's not loaded. Clark Kent is a transvestite! Classified material requires proper storage. Cleanliness is next to impossible. Climate is what you expect. Weather is what you get. Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. Commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways. Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the career. Dawn: The time when men of reason go to bed. Death has been proven to be 99 per cent fatal in laboratory experiments. Decaffeinated coffee? Kinda like kissing your sister. Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it. Difference between a house and a home--a family. Digital circuits are made from analog parts. Diplomacy--the art of letting someone have your way. Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art. Disease can be cured; fate is incurable. Disks travel in packs. Do not put statements in the negative form. Do not sleep in a eucalyptus tree tonight. Do not underestimate the power of the Force. Do you always hit the nail right on the thumb?. Do you know what floccinaucinihilipilification means? Do your knees buckle, but not your belt?... Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Does your back go out more than you do? Doghouse: A mutt hut. Doing nothing makes you tired 'cause you can't take a break... Don't eat yellow snow. Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out. Don't let school interfere with your education. Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you. Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.... Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!!! Don't panic. Don't read everything you believe. Don't use no double negatives. Don't vote--it only encourages them! Don't worry, if everything worked right you'd be out of a job. Draw from your fine command of language and say nothing. Drive carefully -- death is so permanent. Drop that pickle. Dry dock: A thirsty physician. Entropy isn't what it used to be. Ever stop to think and then forget to start again? Ever wish you had a copy of tomorrow's newspaper? Every once in a while I feel that I am at two with the universe. Every purchase has its price. Every silver lining has a cloud around it. Every time I lose weight, it finds me again! Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid. Exhaustion error: GS/OS is too tired to boot. Experience is a comb that nature gives us when we are bald. Experience is the name everyone gives to his mistakes. Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. Failure is never fatal and success is never final. Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall. Feces Occurs. Feel good? don't worry, you'll get over it. Stealing ideas from one person is plagarism; stealing from many is research. Flying is simply the art of throwing yourself at the ground and missing. For best results, squeeze from the bottom of the tube. For people who like that kind of book, that is just the kind of book for them! Forgive your enemies but never forget their names. Free the Indianapolis 500! Friends are people you can be quiet with. From sharp minds come... pointed heads. Garbage In, Gospel Out Genius is the talent of a man who is dead. Gentlemen, it appears to be unanimous that we cannot agree on anything! Get off your ASCII. Girls just wanna have fun...Guys just wanna have girls. Give a woman an inch and she'll park a car in it. Give me chastity and continence, but not just now. Go Speed Racer, go Speed Racer, go Speed Racer, go!!! Zoooooom! God must love the common man; He made so many of them. Going the speed of light is bad for your age. Good fortune will find you, providing you gave directions. Graffiti has changed deface of the nation. Great beer bellies are made, not born. Half the lies our opponents tell about us are not true. Happiness is not a destination. It's the trip. Happiness is wanting what you have. Hard where? Soft where? Have you seen Quasimodo? I had a hunch he was back. He flung himself on his horse and rode madly off in all directions. He looked at me as if I was a side dish he hadn't ordered.... He taught us drawing, stretching, and fainting in coils. He who is henpecked may lend an ear to other chicks. He who lives by the sword eats with bloody hands. He who looks like his passport photo is not well enough to travel. He who slings mud loses ground. Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense in court. Honk if you love obscene gestures. Hors d'oeuvres--a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces. How about a little fire, scarecrow? How come wrong numbers are never busy? How did a fool and his money get together in the first place? How long a minute is depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on. I can't reach the brakes on this piano! I couldn't possibly fail to disagree with you less. I distinctly remember forgetting that. I do desire we may be better strangers. I don't meet competition, I crush it. I don't mind lying, but I hate inaccuracy. I don't want to be a millionaire. I just want to live like one. I doubt, therefore I might be. I have become comfortably numb. I know it all, I just can't remember it all at once. I know karate...and seven other Chinese words. I like it better in the dark. I never loved another person the way I loved myself. I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it. I want to be what I was when I wanted to be what I am now I was born in 1962. True. And the room next to me was 1964. I was playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and killed 10 people. I'd love to, but I have to answer all of my "occupant" letters. I'd love to, but I have to bleach my hare. I'd love to, but I have to floss my cat. I'd love to, but I have to mow the wash. I'd love to, but I have to fluff my shower cap. I'd love to, but I have to jog my memory. I'd love to, but I have to rotate my crops. I'd love to, but I have to study for a blood test. I'd love to, but I never go out on days that end in "Y". I'd love to, but I think you want the OTHER Luke. I'd love to, but I want to spend more time with my blender. I'd love to, but I'm attending the opening of my garage door. I'd love to, but I'm getting my overalls overhauled. I'd love to, but I'm having all my plants neutered. I'd love to, but I'm sandblasting my oven. I'd love to, but I'm teaching my ferret to yodel. I'd love to, but I'm waiting to see if I'm already a winner. I'd love to, but I've been scheduled for a karma transplant. I'd love to, but I've dedicated my life to linguini. I'd love to, but I've got a Friends of Rutabaga meeting. I'd love to, but my bathroom tiles need grouting. I'd love to, but my patent is pending. I'd love to, but the last time I went, I never came back. I'd love to, but the man on television told me to stay tuned. I'd love to, but there's a disturbance in the Force. I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. I'll get you Dorothy. . . and your little dog, too! I'm a Leo. Leos don't believe in this astrology stuff. I'm an influential person -- gravitationally speaking. I'm not afraid of flying, I'm afraid of crashing. If at first you don't succeed, you'll get lots of advice. If I cannot bend Heaven, I shall move Hell. If in doubt, make it sound convincing. If it happens, it must be possible. If it wasn't for time, everything would happen at once. If it wasn't so cool out today, it would be warmer. If life gives you lemons, make lemonade! If life is a bowl of cherries then what am I doing in the pits? If little else, the brain is an educational toy. If love was meant to be easy, everybody would be in it. If Mohammed can't go to the mountain, then that's his problem! If nobody measures up, check your yardstick. If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice? If rabbits feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit? If this is timesharing, give me my share right now. If you have nothing to do, don't do it here. If you have nothing to say, please only say it once! If you think you have no faults, that makes one. If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people. If you're feeling good, don't worry; you'll get over it. If you've got part of it, flaunt that part. If your aim in life is nothing; you can't miss. I think my problem is that my parents never had any children... My brothers and sisters all hated me 'cause I was an only child... In a fight between you and the world, back the world. In God we trust -- all others require a credit check. In space, no one can hear you fart. Indecision is the key to flexibility. Individualists: Unite! Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep over. It is always darkest before it goes totally black. It is always the partner's fault. It is difficult to prophesy, especially about the future. It is later than you think. It takes about ten years to get used to how old you are. Its hard to be graceful getting off your high horse. Jealousy is all the fun you think they have. Judge people by what they are, not where they are. Keep your words soft and sweet, in case you have to eat them. Kin: An affliction of the blood. Kitman's Law: Pure drivel tends to drive away ordinary drivel. Kix are for trids. Klein bottle for rent -- inquire within. Know thyself. If you need help, call the C.I.A. Knowledge comes but wisdom lingers. Knowledge is knowing that you don't know. Knowledge without common sense is folly. Laugh, and the world ignores you. Crying doesn't help either. Laugh when you can; cry when you must. Laughter... the only tranquilizer with no side effects. Lead me not into temptation... I can find it myself. Lead on, MacDuff! Let me take you a buttonhole lower. Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. Liar: One who tells an unpleasant truth. Life and liberty are safe only when congress is in recess. Life is a game. Money is how we keep score. Life is a rotten job and the hours are a bitch. Life is just one thing after another. Life is like a diaper -- short and loaded. Life is that brief interlude between nothingness and eternity... Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans. Light at the end of the tunnel? Look out for that train. Loafer-- someone trying to make two weekends meet. Loosen up, baby, I'm in love with you. Lose weight--eat stuff you hate. Love is a matter of chemistry, but Sex is a matter of physics. Insane: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence. Make sure all variables are initialized before use. Make sure comments and code agree. Make the most of the best and the least of the worst. Many people are unenthusiastic about your work. Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy. Mathematics is the language God used to write the universe. Mausoleum: The final and funniest folly of the rich May all your hang-ups be drip-dry. May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits. May you live in uninteresting times. Meditation is not what you think. Memories of you remind me of you. Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples. Microwaves frizz your heir. Middle Age: Halfway between adolescence and obsolescence! Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses. Money is like a promise, easier made then kept. Mrs. Ghandi is in a sari state. Neurotic: Self-taut person. Neutrinos are into physicists. Neutrinos have bad breadth. Never, ever use repetitive redundancies. Never argue with anyone who buys ink by the gallon. Never give a gun to ducks. Never lie unless you have an awfully good memory. Never say anything more predictive than "Watch this!" Nobody can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it. Noncombatant: A dead Quaker. Not now, Kato! Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses. Nothing you can't spell will ever work. Old age = you + 20 years. Old age needs so little, but it needs that little so much. Old bakers never die, they just quit making dough. Old frogs never die...but they do croak. Old Grandad is dead but his spirits live on. Old is needing a fire permit for your birthday cake. Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement. Old musicians never die, they just decompose. On all LaserGrams: Don't forget the Zap code. One bag of money is stronger than two bags of truth. One day you will find yourself and be quite disappointed. One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it. One picture is worth a thousand words. See diagram below. Overload--core meltdown sequence initiated. Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. Paranoia is heightened awareness. Parkinson's Second Law: Expenditures rise to meet income. Passwords are implemented as a result of insecurity. Pause for storage relocation. Pay no attention to that man behind the curtains. People are more than fun than anybody. People don't form relationships, they take hostages. People should be measured in feats, not feet. People who think they know it all are really annoying to those of us who do! People will buy anything that's one to a customer. Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting thing! Ph.D.: Piled Higher & Deeper. Plastic explosives will be appropriate later in the week. Plastic packaged foods are very uncanny. This tagline is cash only, ten items or less. Polymer physicists are into chains. Postmen never die, they just lose their zip. Practice yourself what you preach. Practiss makes perfict. Pray for the success of atheism. Pressure is the natural force acting upon an engineer. Pretend to spank me -- I'm a pseudo-masochist! Pride is what we have...vanity is what others have. Procrastination--the art of keeping up with yesterday. Profanity is the one language all programmers know best. Professional wrestling: ballet for the common man. Professionals built the Titanic, amateurs built the ark. Programming Department: Mistakes made while you wait. Psychiatrists stay on your mind. Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth. Put your trust in those who are worthy. Raise ducks for a quack profit. Reality is often inaccurate. Rebellion lay in his way, and he found it. Reduce your IOU to IRS with an IRA. Rehumanize yourself! Remembering is for those who have forgotten. Roses are red, violets are blue; I'm schizophrenic and so am I. Rubber bands have snappy endings! Sacred cows make great hamburgers. Sarcasm: barbed ire. Save gas, don't eat beans. Save our virgin forests -- buy a tree a chastity belt. Sculpture: mud pies that endure. SDRAWKCAB spelled backwards is backwards. Sentient plasmoids are a gas. Serfs up! -- Spartacus Sevareid's Law: The chief cause of problems is solutions. Sex causes cancer. We'd wipe out cancer in one generation if we stopped sex. Sex discriminates against the shy and ugly. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer. She cried -- and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook. She was another one of his near Mrs. She's descended from a long line her mother listened to. Short circuits got no reason to live. Short cut... the longest distance between two points. Shower with the people you love. Sight is a faculty; seeing is an art. Sigmund's wife wore Freudian slips. Silence cannot be misquoted. Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all. So long, and thanks for all the fish. Some men are discovered; others are found out. Some men are not fools, they stayed bachelors. Some people aren't hard of hearing, but hard of listening. Some people believe anything if you whisper it. Some people carve careers, others chisel them. Some people fall for everything and stand for nothing. Some people pay a compliment as if they expect a receipt! Some things have to be believed to be seen. May someone try to honk your nose today. Stay away from flying saucers today. Stay out of the road, if you want to grow old. Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck into our language. Stop searching forever. Happiness is unattainable. Streakers repent! Your end is in sight. Stupidity, like virtue, is its own reward. Success is a journey, not a destination. Success is not permanent, but neither is failure. Suddenly, Nothing Happened!.. but, it happened suddenly. Support Mental Health. Or I'll kill you. Support National Motherhood Week -- Make one today! Support your local church. Worship at Bank of America. Sure fire diet, swallowing pride. Swallow your pride, it is non-fattening. My computer can't crash today -- my schedule is already full! Tact is the unsaid part of what you're thinking. Tailgater--one who makes ends meet. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixed metaphors. Talk is cheap unless you hire a lawyer. Teachers have class. Tell a child he got 1 right, not 99 wrong. THINK! or THWIM! That which does not kill us makes us stronger. The absent are always at fault. The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive... The basis of optimism is sheer terror. The best cure for insomnia is a Monday morning. The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. The best prophet of the future is the past. The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer someone else. The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away. The bug stops here. The difficult we do today; the impossible takes a little longer. The door is the key. The Einstein theory is relatively simple. The early worm gets the bird. The famous politician was trying to save both his faces. The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. The flush toilet is the basis of Western civilization. The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. The future is a myth created by insurance salesmen and astrologists... The future isn't what it used to be. The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance. The greatest man in history was the poorest. The greatest pleasure--doing what they said couldn't be done. The Maintainer's Motto: If we can't fix it, it ain't broke! The man who has never been flogged has never been taught. The meek shall inherit the earth, but not its mineral rights. The more things change, the more they'll never be the same again. The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt. The next six days are dangerous. The only race worth winning is the human race. The only thing constant is change. The pen is mightier than the pencil. The perfect guest is one who makes his host feel at home. The person who is all wrapped up in himself is overdressed. The plural of spouse is spice. The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated. The scariest four words known to man: "We need to talk." The two great tragedies in life: not getting what one wants, and getting it. The universe is all a spinoff of the Big Bang. The way to a man's heart is through the left ventricle. The whole world is a tuxedo and I'm a pair of brown shoes... The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf. The worst form of failure is the failure to try. There are more old drunkards than old doctors. There are no bugs, only unrecognized features. There are no giant crabs in here, Frank. There are only two emotions in Wall Street: fear and greed. There is a bear following you around. There is an exception to every rule, except this one. There is much Obi-Wan did not tell you. There is no devil; it's God when he's drunk. There is no remedy for sex but more sex. There is no security on this earth. There is only opportunity. There isn't room enough in this dress for the two of us! There's a blind man looking for a shadow of doubt. There's no fool like an old fool, 'cause he's experienced! There's nothing you can do that can't be done. There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me. They don't make nostalgia like they used to. Things past redress and now with me past care. Things will be brighter tonight. A cop will shine a light in your window. Things worth having are worth cheating for. Third Law of Advice: Simple advice is the best advice. This tagline is inoperative. Please try another. This is the day for firm decisions! Or is it? This night methinks is but the daylight sick. This sentance has threee errors. Those who can, do. Those who can't, write. Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address. Those who in quarrels interpose must often wipe a bloody nose. Three can keep a secret, if two of them are dead. Time is money, and many people pay their debts with it. Time wounds all heels. To be born rich is an accident; to die rich is a miracle. To every exception there is a rule. To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girl friends... To get a loan you must prove you don't need it. To have died once is enough. To hell with criticism. Praise is good enough for me. To refuse praise is to seek praise twice. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Try the Moo Shu Pork. It is especially good today. Trying to establish voice contact--please yell into keyboard. Tuck under thumb and hold firmly. Two is company, three is an orgy. There are two kinds of trouble in this world - living and dying. Two rights don't make a wrong, they make an airplane. Two wrongs do not make a right: it usually takes three or four. Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all. Unwritten laws can not be erased. Volcano -- a mountain with hiccups. Vote Anarchist. Wagner's music is better than it sounds. Wanna do something big? Pick up a boulder. Want to forget all your troubles? Wear tight shoes. Watch out where the Huskies go and don't you eat that yellow snow... We all live in a state of ambitious poverty. We're all over it, like a cheap suit. Wedding is destiny, and hanging likewise. Welcome to the Future! It's just starting now ... Well, pluck me naked as a scalded chicken! What is Life? It's the cereal Mikey likes. What you see can depend on what you look for. When a hammer is the only tool, every problem looks like a nail. When it comes to giving, some people stop at nothing. When money talks there are few interruptions. When talking nonsense try not to be serious. When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers. When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut. Where there's a whip there's a way. Death by Unga-Bunga!! White dwarf seeks red giant for binary relationship. Who needs dignity when you can be in show business? Who's scruffy looking? Who? Me, Officer? Whoever named it "necking" was a poor judge of anatomy. Whom computers would destroy, they must first drive insane. Why are there no black M&M's? You will ALWAYS find something in the last place you look. Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is? Women's Libbers are OK, I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one. Work off excess energy. Steal something heavy. Worth seeing? Yes, but not worth going to see. Would it help if I got out and pushed? Would the last person to leave Michigan please turn out the light? You are being watched. Cut out the hanky-panky for a few seconds. You are confident of things you know nothing about. You are confused; but this is your normal state. You are lustworthy. You are not thinking. You are merely being logical. You can never get rid of a bad temper by losing it. You can observe a lot just by watching. You can send a kid to college, but you can't make him think. You can't fool me--there ain't no sanity clause. "You can't get snot off of a suede jacket." -- Lenny Bruce You can't have everything... where would you put it? You can't have money like that and not swell out. You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back. You cannot see the wood for the trees. You couldn't get me on Mars if it were the last place on Earth! You don't give a damn about your apathy. You have a frog in your pocket? You have an important role as a negative example. You have been selected for a secret mission. You knew this job was dangerous when you took it! You may be recognized soon. Hide. You may now log in to life. Password: _________________ You ought to take the bull between the legs. You should avoid hedging, at least that's what I think. You should hardly ever equivocate. You should use contraceptives at every conceivable occasion. You will be awarded the Nobel Peace Prize--posthumously. You will die of terminal acne. You will spend the rest of your life in the future. You're a card which will have to be dealt with. You're my hero! You're not drunk as long as you can hold onto the floor. You're old when you forget how to start your rocking chair. You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture! Your aims are high, and you are incapable of much. Your analyst has you confused with another patient. Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries! Your resume will be used on the "Tonight Show" monologue. Zeus gave Leda the bird. !enif tsuj si gnihtyrevE "Obscenity is whatever gives the Judge an erection" ** ERROR ** Unable to insert witty tagline. Why do they put locks on the doors of 24 hour stores? DIODE: What happens to people who don't die young. A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow you nose! A drawing pin is an excited Smartie ACK and you shall receive. Advice void, if I'm incorrect! Answers: $1, Correct answers: $5, Dumb looks: Free! Ask me about my vow of silence. Atilla the Pun Does Aural Sex produce eargasms? Beware of quantum ducks. Quark, Quark. Blow me a little kiss, will ya, huh? Bluff means never having to sway your story. Caffeine makes the world go 'round. CD-WOM, Wead onwy memowy. Creditors have much better memories than debtors. Crime wouldn't pay if it was operated by the government! Criminal lawyer. Isn't that redundant? Cunnilingus is a real tongue twister! CYCLIC REDUNDANCY CHECK: Taking Inventory at a Bike shop Dain bramaged. Do agnostics engage in idol speculation? Do Me Wrong or Do Me Right ... Just Do Me! Do physicists get hadrons? Does The Little Mermaid wear an algebra? Does "Quasimodo" ring a bell? Don't speak now, and forever hold your peace. Error finding COLDBEER.sys16 -- User not loaded! Floppy Disk = Lower back trouble. For every soul, you are bound to find a heel. For Sale: dining table with two legs and six toes. Genuine Exploding Tagline. Acme Tagline Inc. Girlfriend? Yep, a Zipped GS with 8 megs and a 400 meg HD! Give masochists a fair crack at the whip. Give them all they want, and all they will want is more. Got Kleptomania? Take something for it! Grow your own dope - Plant a male! Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. Guru to Deli man: Make me one with everything. Happiness can't buy money! Have no fear - I never attack lesser beings. Have you drug tested YOUR legislators today? He does the work of 3 men. Moe, Larry & Curly... Hey! This is just like the REAL world! Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, its off to the institution I go! History - the mistakes that we cannot avoid in the future History is a set of lies agreed upon. Hollow chocolate has no calories. Honest Ma, I got it from a toilet seat... I do a lot of research, especially in ladies apartments. I don't normally drink, but I'm not normally normal. I even reformatted it, and I STILL can't read my file! Arrgh... Okay, I give up, what is the meaning of life? I like young girls. Their stories are shorter. Ineedadrink...where'stheSPACEBAR? I need everything; do you have it?? I slept with Joe Isuzu <- she's lying I thimk I've finally got this ficts, fics, fixd.... I'm ANN LANDERS!! I CAN shoplift!! I'm Buy-sexual -- I have to pay for it. I'm from the IRS, and I'm here to help you. I'm immortal. I'm bored. Let's party. I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want? If Albert Einstein were alive today, he'd use a IIgs! If anyone has an idea why do I this, please keep it to yourself... If Life's a trip, where the hell is MY ticket? Ignorance is bliss, but it will NEVER replace sex. Is a Jamaican terminal a raster-farian? Is there anyone who smiles without a mask? It balances! It balances! Run the bloody paychecks. It really bothers me when people cut me o It takes a long time to understand nothing. Landslide geologists are unstable!!! Mail your ideas, written on the back of a $20 bill, to.. Make a bold fashion statement: Get Naked. Metamorphic geologists are gneiss people! Multitasking causes schizophrenia.. My cat's name is: 'Winky, The One-Eyed Wonder Kitty' My Go - amn keyboar oesn't have any 's! "Necessity never made a good bargain." -- Ben Franklin Never lick a gift horse in the mouth. Never kiss a gift horse on the mouth. Never Wear Battery-Powered Clothing to a Formal Event. No Brain, No Pain. No, no, Nurse! I said "PRICK his BOIL!", NOT boil his.. Nobody knows the trouble I've been. Not now ... I have to go mow the laundry. Now you know why the Cheshire Cat is smiling. Objects under T-Shirt are larger than they appear. Oh hell, it ain't Friday YET?!? On a scale of 1 to 10, 4 is about 7. Open wide! You don't know how big this thing gets! Organization is the enemy of improvisation. Our 274 Tech Support employees can't be wrong! Out of body, be back in five minutes. Outlaw junk mail, and save the trees! Stupid palindromic taglines are for roferas enilgat cimordnilap diputs! Panic now - avoid the rush! Pardon my driving; I'm trying to reload. No, Officer, I'm not drunk. I was weaving because I was trying to reload. People are always available to work in the past tense. Pick two: [1] Fast [2] Correct [3] Cheap Printers do it without wrinkling the sheets. Prisons are places people go to in a pinch. Random answers are my specialty! Reality is a co !"#$%&'()*+,-./0123456789:;<=>nstant intrusion on my dreams. Reality is okay - I just don't make a habit of it. Reality? I'll only go as a tourist! Regardless of what you may think, this is NOT a tagline. If Salvador Dali murdered someone, would he be a Surreal Killer? Say pistachios ... it's impolite to say nuts. In Scotland -- men are men, women are cold, & sheep are nervous. She poured sugar in the gas tank of my heart! She's not a gossip, just an interesting news source! Shoot all the Radicals! Do shoplifters with the runs take Clepto Bismol? Should we tell the children when we move? Smile if you are wearing no underwear! Aha, thought so! Sorry about your Rectocranial Inversion. Spell chequers dew knot work write. STICK \'stik\ n. 1: A boomerang than doesn't work. At least strip mining prevents forest fires... Submarine Sailors Go Deep and Never Come Up for AIR! Sushi--known to the rest of the world as "Cut-bait." Taglines make great Christmas gifts! That was Zen, this is Tao. That's stronger than a garlic milkshake. The Bare Facts About Nevada Agriculture. The buck doesn't even slow down here! The Buck stops here, the Dough just visits.. The Hubbell works fine; all that stuff IS blurry! The solution to any problem tends to change the problem. In the candy shop, there's a sucker born every minute! This New Year I resolve to make no resolutions. This tagline no verb. To be or not to be. That is the result of y^2 = 4*(b^2) Transvestites suffer from delusions of gender. Trespassers will be violated. Prosecutors will be violated. Try this. I haven't tested it, but I think it will work. Twinkies have a half-life, but Velveeta is eternal... Ultimate office automation: Networked coffee machines! Warning: Do not reuse tagline. Discard safely after use. What do you suppose gives Stephen King nightmares?? What has 4 legs and an arm? A pit bull. What has reality ever done for ME?? It made misery real! Who ever heard of fertilizing hard-boiled eggs? Who protects us from the protectors? Yeah, I'm in the "Directory", but they missmelled my name. You can disagree without being disagreeable. You can turn ANY conversation into one about sex! You can't be Batman to all the Robins of the world. Gotta know when to code 'em, know when to modem, know when to purge away... Youth is a gift of nature... Middle age is a work of art! A thick head can do as much damage as a hard heart. A red nose can be the result of sunshine or moonshine. Without fingers you cannot even thumb your nose. You tell 'em Cashier, I'm a poor teller. Gotta run, the cat's caught in the printer. Choose heaven for climate, hell for society. It's a poor cook who cannot lick his own fingers. A sleeping fox counts hens in his dreams. Pants: Trousers' country cousins. Many would be cowards if they had courage enough. Society prepares the crime; the criminal commits it. Straight trees have crooked roots. A good rooster crows in any hen house. It's easier to curse the candle than light the darkness. Skeptics are seldom deceived. Let no good deed go unpunished. How many times do you need to be tolled anyway? Those who can, Do. Those who can't, Criticize. Dachshund: Half a dog high by a dog and a half long. What soberness conceals, drunkenness reveals. Apology is only egotism wrong side out. Silence is more eloquent at times than words. This fellow's wise enough to play the fool. The child had every toy his father wanted. Poker Face: The face that launched a thousand chips. "Modesty died when false modesty was born." -- Mark Twain A great many family trees were started by grafting. The greatest of faults is to be conscious of none. Both of his feet are firmly planted in the air. Notice: All incoming fire has the right of way. Where are those flashbacks they promised me? Seek not to follow footsteps but what they sought. Meetings are indispensable for not doing anything. Remember back when it only cost a nickel to call a wrong number? A fool searches for a greater fool to find admiration. Wait! That's the FORBIDDEN dance! Life is lived forwards, but understood backwards. Swell-head: Nature's frantic effort to fill a vacuum. The thing most generally raised on land is taxes. Everyone is a genius at least once a year. Even a philosopher gets upset with a toothache. Angling: The name given to fishing by non-fishermen. The mosquito was designed by God to make flies seem better. As I was going up the stair, I met a man who wasn't there. Obesity: A surplus gone to waist. This is a good day to let down old friends who need help. Women take to good hearted men. Also from. Dancing with a grass widow brings on hay fever. Always do right: Gratify some and astonish the rest. Epitaph on a gravestone: Cheerio, see you soon. Many foxes grow gray, but few grow good. "Life has a great deal up its sleeve." Make two grins grow where there was only a grouch before. Many kiss the hand that they wish cut off. Money can't buy happiness, but allows a choice of misery. Freedom is a hard-bought thing - A gift no man can give. A miser is hard to live with, but makes a fine ancestor. A KGB keyboard has no key! Even the lion has to protect himself against flies. Friend: Anyone who has the same enemies you have. Drop your carrier.... We have you surrounded! Did King Arthur's postal service send Chain Mail? Do well, you hear it never. Do ill, hear it forever. A little truth helps the lie go down. If I were here more often, I wouldn't be gone so much. Evil is a hill. We stand on ours, speak about others. Fiction: It can't hold a scandal to biography. Charity begins at home, and mostly ends where it begins. The truth doesn't hurt unless it ought to. Have another scoop of ice cream! Really! You have my permission! Trust me, would I lie to you.....um.... TWICE? Shut up, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor. Is it progress if a cannibal uses a knife and fork? It is hereditary in my family to have no children. What is learned in youth is understood in age. He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals. Paleontologists have skeletons in their closets! Human Being: An ingenious assembly of portable plumbing. Tact is the intelligence of the heart. Worry is the interest paid on trouble in advance. All rivers run into the sea, yet the sea is not full. Travel important today; IRS men arrive tomorrow. A learned fool is more foolish than an ignorant fool. Talking of bulls is not like being in the bull ring. The shortest answer is doing. Hi. My name is Rover, I'll paint your car yellow for free. A belly button is for salt when you eat celery in bed. Society like air, is necessary but not complete for life. The best armor is to keep out of range. Not to know is bad, but not to wish to know is worse. An accommodating vice is better than an obstinate virtue. Firmness in politics is called obstinacy in a donkey. Learning without thought is labor lost. A hen tomorrow is more valuable than an egg today. Acting without thinking is like shooting without aiming. I finally got it all together, but forgot where I put it... Your sin, was it of omission, commission, or emission? There is no joy in Mudville, mighty Casey has struck out. You tell 'em June, And don't July. Retreat, hell! We're just fighting in another direction. To climb a ladder, you begin with the first rung. Tact: Recalling a lady's birthday but forgetting her age. Happiness is no laughing matter. Custom is the law of fools. The tree of liberty is watered with the blood of tyrants. A beard signifies lice, not brains. Better to understand little than misunderstand a lot. I want to live with a synonym girl... It is bad luck to be superstitious. Diplomacy: The patriotic lying for one's country. Too many pages make a tome. Fame: Chiefly a matter of dying at the right moment. Does it really matter which cola I drink? What a day may bring, a day may take away. Never agree with me, it shakes my self confidence. Blessed are the meek, for they make great scapegoats. "Love -- a grave mental disease." -- Plato "Maytag" is my middle name; I'm an agitator. Theater: Holding a mirror up to a keyhole. To understand other's miseries, look at their pleasures. Russian Express Card motto: Don't leave home! You must know much before you know how little you know. Philosophic enjoyment = mutual misunderstanding. I haven't lost my mind... It must be backed-up somewhere. Remember, the end never justifies the meanness. The cinema is not a slice of life but a piece of cake. The city is not a concrete jungle. It is a human zoo. A crappie is not a sunfish found in a toilet. Honesty pays, but not enough for some. A bigot will not reason, a fool cannot, a slave dare not. A hole is nothing, but you can break your neck in it. God gives the nuts, but He does not crack them. Oh well, half of one, six dozen of the other. In the country of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. Graveyards are full of the indispensable. The only winner of the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky. A male rite of passage: Writing your name in the snow. If you're too old to learn, you were born so. An agreeable person: One who agrees with you. Don't shoot! I'm only the Casio player! Ever wonder why Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo? Either he's dead or my watch has stopped. The best way out of a difficulty is through it. Of all the people I have met, you are certainly one! Strength of mind: Person who can eat one salted peanut. No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway. A ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure! Fax me no questions, I'll Fax you no lies! Sailors curse the rain that farmers prayed for in vain. We are all related...relatively speaking... To know the road ahead, ask those coming back. Doubt is the root of education, not faith. Self-sacrifice: to sacrifice others without blushing. Nobody shoots at Santa Claus. Today is the scene of the accident. Quien con perros se acuesta con pulgas se levanta. Put on your seatbelt. I'm gonna try something new. How do I set my Laser Printer to "Stun"? He is a sheep in sheep's clothing. Angels can fly since they take themselves lightly. If the family skeleton must remain, make it dance. Never trust a skinny cook. My mind ain't so open that anything can crawl right in. Subway: A place so crowded even men can't all get seats. She devotes her spare time to neglecting duties. Wit is the spice of conversation, not the food. Army food: The spoils of war. Earth: A solid substance, much desired by the seasick. Let's see your tagline hunting permit, sir. Only I can tell where my own shoe pinches me. Software, floppies, hard drives... Sigmund would have had a field day! Prune: A plum that has seen better days. Hot air sometimes thaws out a cold reception. Indiscriminate study bloats the mind. Hmmm, When is the last time the Tooth Fairy visited you? We have met the enemy, and he's all yours! Hospitals: Places where the run down wind up. Yeah, but what's the speed of DARK? May we kiss those we please, and please those we kiss. Mr. Bullfrog says: Time is fun when you're having flies. The longer the title, the less important the job. It is easier to admire hard work if you don't do it. Modem.... A deterrent to phone solicitors. A noisy exhaust to some almost amounts to a mating call. When you go to the market, use your eyes, not your ears. Women's clothes: Go to extremes, seldom to extremities. If people listened to themselves, they would shut up. We hired you to babysit. You cooked and ate them BOTH? 'Tis the season to be punny...... If you want to hide your face, walk naked. The best way to save face is to keep the lower part shut. It takes two to make a bargain. What grammar is to speech, logic is to reason. Life is a tragedy for feelers and a comedy for thinkers. Autobiography: Unrivalled telling truth about others. Sculptor: A poor unfortunate who makes faces and busts. Anybody can win, unless there is a second entry. Seriousness is the very next step to being dull. Two of perfect virtue: one dead, the other yet unborn. No wanna work. Wanna bang on keyboard. The bird of war is not the eagle but the stork. Hug: A roundabout way of expressing affection. Madam, an error, we did a hysterectomy on your husband... We're lost, but we're making good time. Used Car: Not what it is jacked up to be. Wedding: A funeral where you smell your own flowers. Yes-men: Fellows who hang around the man nobody noes. The only argument with the wind is to put on a coat. Tabloid: A newspaper with a permanent crime wave. Software independent: Won't work with ANY software. What is the world to a man when his wife is a widow? Youthful figure: What you get when asking a woman's age. Hotel: A place you give good dollars for bad quarters. If I were you, who'd be me? Synonym: A word you use when you can't spell the other. "Cashew?" "Gesundheit!" "Honey?" Is that what you call this bee barf? "I'm not asz think asz you drunk I am, Ossifer!" "Off with her head!" shouted the Queen. "Suicide Hotline...please hold for the next available..." "Ward, I'm worried about the Beaver." 1st rule of marriage: If you're right, apologize fast. There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't. A bleeding heart can be hell on the carpeting. A cat could be man's best friend, but would never stoop to it. A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord. A critic knows the way but can't drive the vehicle. A dry sense of humor is better than slobbering everywhere. A flying particle will seek the nearest eye. A fool and his money are soon elected. A good angle to approach any problem is the try-angle. A good hot dog feeds the hand that bites it. A heavy night snowstorm is God saying: "Take today off." A horse is a horse, of course, of course. A horse may go freely to water, but a pencil must be lead. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. A long time ago in a galaxy far far away, or was it here? A low yield atomic bomb is like being a bit pregnant. A man in love mistakes a pimple for a dimple. A mother of quintuplets gave spouse a separate bedroom. A new mother soon becomes a chief cook and bottom washer. A nudist is one who suffers from clothestrophobia. A nudist wedding makes the best man easy to identify. A pen is mightier than a sword, except it runs out of ink. A penny saved is 2.5 grams of zinc alloy. A perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 am. A problem can be found for almost every solution. A rock ----->me<----- A hard place. A rolling stone is better than a bird on the other side of the fence. A shower is the halfway point between bed and world. A small object that is accidentally dropped will hide. A statesman shears sheep, a politician skins them. A tidal wave of avalanche proportions. A too-short mini skirt leaves a definitive end in view. A true diplomat struts sitting down. A writer thinks of critics as a tree feels about dogs. Abdominos... sit-ups & pizza. Ability is a good thing but stability is even better. Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder. Accordion: A bagpipe with pleats. Accountants work their assets off. Acting is the art of keeping the audience from coughing. After four decimal places, nobody gives a damn. After they make styrofoam, what do they ship it in? After two weeks of dieting, all I lost was two weeks. aibohphobia, n., The fear of palindromes. Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse. All great truths began as blasphemies. All I have to do is imagine, and I am in dreamland. All mathochists suffer from calculust. All power corrupts, but we need electricity. All probabilities are 50%. It happens or it doesn't. All taglines are busy... Please hold -- one will be with you shortly. All the kookies are not in the jar. All the tea in china: 356,000 metric tons. All true wisdom is discovered in taglines. Always first decide the sentence, then the verdict. Always look out for #1 and be careful not to step in #2. A moving neutrino gathers no mass. Always remember to pillage before you burn. Always store beer in a cool dark place. Always take aim at the Tidy Bowl Man. Alzheimer's Club: Meet the same new friend every day. An open mind is wonderful if matching mouth is not included. An optimist invented an airplane; a pessimist invented a parachute. An over the hill astronaut requests a slower capsule. And on the seventh day, He exited from "append" mode. And this is your brain over-easy with a side of bacon. Anyone can hate. It costs to love. Anyone can walk on water, just know where the rocks are. Anything good is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. Anything that is too stupid to be spoken can be sung. April 16th: Count your blessings - nothing else is left. Architecture is the art of how to waste space. Art thou an artist, or art thou art? American Sign Language has 15 signs for "stupid" and 3 for "smart".... The astronaut and the podiatrist kissed 'neath the missile toe... Avoid junk mail, get an unlisted ZIP code. Avoid the 5 o'clock rush - always leave work at noon. Back when I was a boy, we carved our own IC chips out of wood! File not found. Go stand in the corner. Banging head against wall mode - off. Bank error in your favor. Collect $200. Baptism: A kind of damp bar mitzvah. Baroque: When you are out of Monet. Bathroom scale: Something you stand on and swear at. Batteries not included. Be careful when playing under the anvil tree. No, the "Aux" switch on my System Saver IIgs is hooked up to a Mr. Coffee... The problem with taglines? Probably the fact that there isn't enough space to "Uh, hi folks!" Take this tagline... please! Just testing your tagline separation. Concerto riots! Violins in the streets! Palindrome #12: "Satan, oscillate my metallic sonatas!" I'm trapped on a desert island! Somebody, find this tagline and rescue me! I know a good palindrome, but I can't remember the second half... At least your computer loves you. When you fall in love, make sure someone you trust is around to catch you... TAGLINE GENUINE DRAFT -- same tagline, different label Paranoids! This tagline ~(.) (.)~ is watching you!! Okay, no more putting it off! Tell her you love her -RIGHT NOW-!! Ask not for whom the bell tolls; if thou art in the bathtub, it tolls for thee This tagline is SHAREWARE! To read it legally after 5 seconds, send $10 to: "With one swipe of its powerful tail, it can render an enemy senseless." Do you remember why you turned on the computer? Did you know that "gullible" is not in the dictionary? Okay, Pavlov, get OUT of my house! And take your slobbering mutts with you! @ABCDEFGHIJT,COpeningLin ~ExpressLoadT L.l ,@OpeningLinOpeningLinL ,@OpeningLinOpeningLinLKH"h 5"' lt\(k" lpq" l0rr00nb" " 4FDj" ^" R" F k k" x݊z" \" " \" `" F8" ,"  .f " ," d`v0ss00HHHH "hmrvv . .i " " " " P80C@)8 0) `iȀ8^΂ " F" " ԭ.f " ," dvtx" <" n noP8mnnpk) " 4Pmnnp" LItmnnp" *tv" <+" \" ``" \" ^>N`" L^j" \j HH;[ڭHHH "+" h" JZ쭂 XݭHH"hh+" hr͂ RP" J" hHH"hh+Bti v)a  `"  쭂`0r͂iA0`#ͺͮкЮî"*:System:System.Setup:OL.Pics:OL.PICS:rr Pv  Cv nr !ͺӺŮͺͮк#ͺӺŮͺH"ႊKHHH "hh ;8[+0$0iTKTKSoi6o0Uoo\oRo0zhx0hq0Z(HHP"0h0\K0)H @)00h)0h\VoQ"ha\o ? ?  0????????????????? ? ? ?????????????????????????<333330???????????? ???? ? ??   ???????? ??????? ?????????????????????????? ? ?? ???????????? ?? ??? !SYSTEM:SYSTEM.SETUP:STARTUP.PIC.AԠ㩠 BEK_hsvy|GJMPkr{$']`cf +.lorux{~ "=@ENQhl}ڂ ):SYfcP%nrPn@v0 LMN >> OPENING LINE IS -NOT- PUBLIC DOMAIN OR SHAREWARE. << Opening Line is a commercial product. If you have legally purchased this product, I and the rest of the Apple II community thank you for helping to extend the life of the IIgs by supporting software developers. If you have copied this product not knowing that it is commercial, I urge you to obtain a legal version from the author. To order Opening Line, send your address and a check for $12 (payable to Bret Victor) to: Bret Victor 19253 Parkview Rd. Castro Valley, CA 94546 If you have knowingly pirated this software, then your actions are not just illegal, but disgustingly greedy as well. You are helping to kill off the IIgs -- a programmer can't afford to program for a nonexistent market. It's as simple as that. Twelve bucks is not a lot to ask. If you have any comments, questions, or suggestions regarding Opening Line, please send them to: GEnie : B.VICTOR1 Internet: b.victor1@genie.com *** Be sure to read the "VERSION.NOTES" text file on this disk for *** last minute changes that didn't make it into the manual!! 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K  wWIҗFpled]D9Yj@DkkdCB6YYz _fت@o|[BrEn'hPZ8țDlҏ '/TX" L f  bBw@,pH_'P% G(F@ L.6uDNrЈ2À>fCq= @CL|Ȉx mGMN@8$JtKVN2$rxQ,u2@ Fm= f0>ol@1h?3>8%O\ i0-DP,ro03FfhgWH$fh@TCG0}U~iD/KgwB h||Qi]H[܁F62.3A$I [ސȃ Ry׵*d_*8 d(  )PO<Li(3 0tHC$  @@ʩ\y][X 2E@αM\ppXX^עQD0A7 Ѐ(A7424 "2BR :4**b@HC3P4jP 4ĥJ@jj*j ܩ*Dxd@RC'v|4w< H+Zk7`6z+"% 2+}k D`LP4tjڄ@Lkn@@@ju4<uik<÷J^lnlRdžl~0#|u8)‘ö&PpeUqH U +C6qknV3bu  fP ky#U@ U6̐"` xy$ 05 yG\‹q1W¥Q U@1Uy+?(\8ß~]=. $'፰ w 㟰܀;A>BNFJ*HJ0*5OL.INSTALL.BIN5B OL.INSTALLUTAGLINESUB OPENINGLINEB OL.READMEBuB OL.PICS.SEAL VERSION.NOTES The version of Opening Line that you have is v1.1.2. Here are the changes from v1.1: The Bugfix: In the previous version, if you did not have a tagline file, OL woudn't choose you a new startup picture. This has been fixed. The New Feature: -Inside- your */System/System.Setup folder, create a new folder called "OL.Pics". Then simply dump all your startup pictures into this folder. You don't even have to bother renaming them -- OL scans this entire folder for picture files, regardless of name. (The new INIT is backwards-compatible, too -- if it doesn't find the OL.PICS folder, then it acts like the old version, looking for STARTUP.PIC.A, etc.) The Manual Erratum: In the v1.1 Update Notes, it says that a white pixel at the top-left corner of a 640-mode picture will disable the "Welcome" box. It is actually the other way around -- a white pixel at the top-left corner of a 640-mode picture FORCES the "Welcome" box to be drawn. If the pixel is NOT white (i.e. not color #15), the picture is treated as if it were 320-mode, leaving you free to use the movable thermometer and so forth. Enjoy! -Bret GEnie : B.VICTOR1 Internet: b.victor1@genie.com vpfrTr"chYJ5hJh\dZ\O`E\6<$L<xdn,VJ9bdX,@4#` \\SlH;ll*